180 in 180 Day 6

Hey Ya'll,
Today the weather here in Texas is drunk and I'm sending it home. We went from 85 degrees as our high yesterday to 48 degrees as our high today with high blowing winds that made me feel like a visit to OZ was in my immediate future. Oh, and tomorrow it will be around 75 degrees and climbing throughout the weekend for a warm and muggy Cinco de Mayo.

I am going to be honest, today I'm feeling a little defeated. I seem to alternate days of awesome and bleh and it's getting kind of old. My food choices weren't horrible, so that's not what took me out. It was more the realization that I just have to ride certain things out until the door is open wide enough for me to fit through and escape. I have to stop checking out mentally at the hopes of future situations to come and simply be present. To be present and grateful for the moment that I am in today, right now. I deserve to be exactly where I am right now because of the decisions that I made to get me here and now I have to do something else to earn my way into another position. But realizing this makes me a little sad. I guess that's really because it has taken me so long to even try to start thinking about myself and what I want out of life and what I was going to take out of life. When most people were doing this in their teens and twenties I was thinking about and looking after other people first and foremost. But now that I realize that I both need and deserve to do/have what makes me happy I can't just stop functioning for others. So things are going to have to tip toe and take baby steps even though I'm so ready to just leap into life head first.
The Most High has a funny way of giving you everything you ask for and then making you wade through your wishes to want and receive what was actually planned for you. I know something is coming my way, I just hope I don't have much more wading to do. I think I'll go do some bedtime yoga and meditate a little before bed in hopes of being able to receive my Creator's plan for me. and I will continue to meditate and receive each night until I am no longer physically able to do so.
When was the last time you connected with your Creator?
Peace & Namaste Ya'll