The Journey Begins

Hey Ya'll,
So "classes" have officially begun for my Integrative Nutrition program and I am excited, a bit over-whelmed, and ready to get into the meat of it. Right now we are merely getting acclimated with the foundation of the organization. You know, what the mission of the program is, how to get organized, some best practices in setting yourself up for the best experience possible, and most of all for me wrapping your head around how to really put yourself "out there" to gain exposure everywhere you go. This week for me I have tasked myself with getting 2 of my homework assignments completed. I foresee the most difficult part of this style of program for me being the fact that there are very few hard deadlines, it is very "at your own pace". This is both good and bad for me, but I am determined to stay on the positive side.
On another note, I now will have the majority of my weekends to myself and my family once again!! Yay!! No more regular Saturday working for me (of course that's not to say that I won't work any Saturdays again) I plan to become a regular at my local farmer's market gain. Even though most of the good eats stop around October, I'm going to ride this train till the wheels fall off. :-) Also, I think once the heat breaks, which  tends to be late September around here, I plan to start organizing our backyard for gardening. I am not certain what I want to plant just yet so I am going to take my time prepping the yard and thinking about what would work best for my tastes as well as lifestyle.
I so look forward to this shift in my life and nurturing the person inside of me that I have suppressed for so long in order to handle business and just do what needed to be done for  the family. No more deadened spirit; no more depression; no more dissatisfaction with myself or my life. I am still so very sure that I will become the woman/mother/wife that I always imagined I would be. Only I can turn me into Her and that's what I am doing from here on out. Glory to The Most High!!
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

Your Mood is My Mood

Hey Ya'll,
So, last time we talked I was making the life changing decision to stop wishing and just be the person I imagine myself to be. Remember? Or at least that was the posting in a nutshell. Well, I'm realizing something right now; the people you are closest to have a really profound effect on the way you live your life. For example: my husband has been in this incredibly difficult funk lately and it drags down the entire home's environment. He has been harping on what he doesn't like about his job and what he doesn't have in his life that he is neglecting all of the good things that deserve the attention that he has been focusing his anger/discontent on. I love my husband to pieces but I don't think he realizes just how much his mood affects his family directly. I know I have done my venting here but I left it on the pages and took solace in my family because they were the only things that made me happy at the time. But when my husband is in his funk it is hard not to take it personally because he behaves as though he can't stand to be around anyone other than his friends that share the same hobby interests (video games and poker) I know we all need our outlets but somehow it hurts my feelings a bit great deal. I feel as though I'm not enough for him to confide in or find peace in. Oh well, I guess ultimately it's his battle to fight and I just have to learn how to sit on the sidelines until he wins. I guess as long as I continue to focus on becoming the woman I imagined myself to be at this point in my life then all other things will fall into place. At the very least I will be able to say I am who I wanted to be, because that is all I have control over. I cannot fix anyone else's life, I cannot change anyone else's perspective, I cannot force anyone else's joy. Only my own life, perspective, and joy can be changed by me and that is exactly what I'm going to work on. Okay, I feel better. Thank you all for listening/reading once again?
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

Revelations

Hey Ya'll
So I realized something today.... I have never allowed myself to be the Mother I have always wanted to be. I have sent the majority of my poor child's life worked so many hours waiting for the break in the tide that revealed the day where I didn't have to work so hard for our family to make ends meat. I also spent way more years than I would like to admit to closely focused on saving my husband's place in our home. Long story short things were no always beautiful and forever promised. Which I guess like a good woman/wife/etc I did my job because we survived. But I wonder if our child has suffered from any of this. I mean we've baked cookies and taken walks/bike rides and I've seen her performances and been to classroom parties. But I feel as though it's not enough. Mostly because it's not how I always wanted it to be. I want to do arts and craft projects and make her lunch everyday for her like she loves and her favorites breakfasts every morning. I don't want to be too tired to play board games or card games when she's bored. I want to leave amazing memories for her that will last her entire life. Because she is my only child she will have to deal with the death of her parents all alone. Granted I'm sure she will have a family all her own when that point in our lives comes, but it's not the same as having a sibling there who deep in their souls feel the same thing you do. I know, I know, technically I'm an only child as well (or maybe technically I'm not an only child) I have a sister but I was raised as an only child, but I have a blood related cousin who may as well have been my brother growing up who loves my mother just as much as he loves his own mother and visa versa.
So I have made the conscious decision to create the most amazing life for my child from here on out. She will have pictures and memories and keepsakes that will get her through the hardest parts of life when they appear. When she returns home from her summer vacations and school begins my A-game is on and her life will become exactly what I imagined it to be when I chose to bring her into this world. I'm going to teach her to sew (after I teach myself of course), how to cook/bake, how to turn something that appears to be no longer useful into something beautiful or functional, how to appreciate her own culture as well as the cultures of others, How to crave every drop of promise the world has to offer, how to speak other languages (Spanish and Tagalog are the goals, again after I teach myself) and most of all How to enjoy everyday the Most High opens her eyes. Finding myself just living day to day and often times wishing the day away is no longer enough for me. I haven't felt as though I am truly living for the longest time and no one can change that except me. I'm so grateful that I have been given the chance to even come to these realizations and make the changes that will turn my life around rather than it all coming to an end while I was still "waiting for the tide to break". I need to be these things in order to feel like a success, I don't need to work 40+ hours a week in a job that doesn't even feed my soul. Don't get me wrong I'm not quitting my job on Monday or anything but I'm not making it a priority in my life either, at least not until it's a job that is worth adding to the top 10 priorities.
Some things will be for my husband, some things will be for our daughter, but EVERYTHING I choose to do will also be for Me. Learning about food, birth, breastfeeding, traveling, crafting, yoga, cooking, baking, sleeping, sex, shopping, and everything in between that is for them will be for Me. Never in a selfish way but in a self-sustaining way. I am finally beginning to get it; taking care of myself is more than diet and exercise, it's making sure I get everything I need to love my life. Hope each of you finds exactly what you need as well.
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

A NEW JOB!!!

If you couldn't tell by the title of my post, I'm getting a new job and I am so super excited. I am still with the same company but I will be permanently doing work that was originally temporary for me. That means less direct stress, less contact with the public (which is very stressful for me), and more opportunity to utilize my brain. Granted this job won't be easy or always fun, but it will give me great insight to the business side of things which could prove useful in the future for me. Also, I finally get my weekends back. Not every single weekend, because there will be the rare occasion that I will have to go in and help with some launching over a set-up weekend, but the majority of my weekends will be mine and my families again. I get a stead Monday through Friday schedule, no bouncing around week after week trying to remember when I am supposed to be at work the next day. This is a much needed break from the heavy workload I have been baring the past two years. I feel like I will have the chance to do more with my daughter and husband. I really am excited for this upcoming Fall, my husband will be in school, I will be taking classes, and my daughter will be entering the 3rd grade (a pivotal moment in grammar school). Oh yea and with the help on Pinterest I have so many ideas for staying connected to my family and our friends I really believe that I will get to feel like the wife and mother I have always hoped to be.
Peace and Namaste Ya'll