Wednesday, May 15, 2013

180 in 180 Day 19

Hey Ya'll,
Today was a little less than stellar; a storm rolled through my neighborhood in the middle of the night and at 4:00am a loud crack of thunder reminded me that I left pretty much all of my windows open on my car. *le sigh* Not to mention my interview yesterday for a new job didn't give me that warm and fuzzy feeling that you get when you're sure you nailed it. "le sigh again" I couldn't fall back asleep after running out to roll up my car windows...SO, an extra hour of sleep was forfeited. You would be surprised at how much difference an hour of sleep makes. Of course work is no peach as it is, but then drive there in your smelly wet car while it's still raining and other drivers behave as though they couldn't possibly kill someone with their vehicle and you have the makings for the opposite of a super lovely day.
I started to stress eat this morning by accepting a freaking bacon, egg, and cheese McMuffin of all things! I'm am less disappointed that I broke my fast from meat and cheese and more upset with myself that I broke my months long fast from McDonald's. Almost immediately after eating it my stomach was angry with me and let me know. Loudly. For about an hour....Why do I do these things to myself? I think it's because there are so many things in this world that I have no control over and unfortunately giant parts of my own life I do not get to have a finalized say in the pace, direction, outcome, or even use of my own existence. But food. Food I can always control. I can choose what to put in my mouth whenever or however I choose. It can make myself feel light and airy, ready to move about freely at will. I can make myself feel warm and comforted from the inside out by the foods that I eat. I can make myself feel deprived and martyred by my food choices. And as long as I have money to purchase food I can make myself settle into any feelings that I am experiencing (or want to experience) at that moment in time. Is it possible to be both powerful and a slave simultaneously?  
And then 4:15pm rolled around and I walked into the yoga studio, took my shoes off, inhaled deeply, checked into my Hatha Flow class, and smiled. Suddenly I was less frazzled, less stressed, I realized I had been grinding my teeth and became aware enough of myself to stop (at least until I go to sleep tonight), and the feeling that I was floating outside of my body watching things just happen to me and around me ceased. I was apart of myself again. I was a part from the world again. I was no longer swept up in the negative for that moment. I was present and aware and breathing. I was grateful.  Thank you for sharing in my day, even though it is not full of pretty pictures or humorous stories it is still my day and I own it. How was your day today?
Peace & Namaste Ya'll
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