180 in 180 Days 156-158

Hey Ya'll,
I finally got back on my mat yesterday and I'll be honest, it took until today to really feel like I was comfortable on it again. But I think that had a lot to do with the video that I chose to start out with yesterday. As a speaker and yoga enthusiast Sean Corn is great, but her Vinyasa Flow Yoga Breath and Movement dvd is not easy to connect to. The first disc is very slow and she talks excessively. The second disc she doesn't speak at all, not even to give verbal cues for the next posture. I find that rather ridiculous. So today I pulled back out my Beginner's Ashtanga with Nikki Doane and that did the trick. For an hour I got to pray, breathe, and sweat...It was beautiful and I am grateful. I have another run tomorrow to pair up with my yoga session. So off to bed I go to survive 3 miles.
Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 153-155

Hey Ya'll,
I survived!!! I officially finished my Jillian Michael's series yesterday and I have not felt so relieved since I moved this Summer Ha!! I'm just taking a 3 week break from her to shake things up in my routine before I hit a plateau. Ashtanga and Vinyasa Flow yoga will be a nice change for my running routine. I could definitely use some time on my mat and my flexibility has been lacking over the last 12 weeks. Jillian isn't exactly all that keen on extensive stretching in her cool downs. I'm ready for my body to ache in a different way.

I was supposed to take part in a 5k tomorrow, but I guess those plans have changed. I'm not really all that sure yet. I won't find out for sure until tomorrow. I guess I will let ya'll know what happens. I don't think I ever imagined my life would be where it is right at this every moment, but it could definitely be worse. And I am so grateful that it is not worse. The perks of being a "Sunny Side-up" type of person is that it takes a lot to bring you down and when you are brought down it takes twice as much to keep you down. Which just reinforces that I made the right choice to leave my old life behind me. That life I somehow managed to get myself stuck in was killing my spirit and it was all I could do to keep from being lost completely.

This life that I am rebuilding just for me as such endless possibilities that I have to remind myself occasionally to take one step at a time and do exactly what makes me happy. No fear. No second guessing. No answering to anyone else about how it can be done, how it will make me enough money, how it will fit into anyone else's plans for life. Don't rush it. Don't question it. Don't do it if it doesn't make you happy. Most of all  don't forget to breathe. Breathe deeply. Breathe slowly. Breathe deliberately. Breathe to remind yourself that you are still alive. Breathe to center and breathe to focus. I thank my Creator for bringing me to yoga. Yoga has helped me in being able to hear better. To understand better. To react better. To be more grateful.

What has yoga helped you with?

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 151-152

Hey Ya'll,
Last night was a bit rough, for some reason I had a stomachache. Maybe because I disrupted my current eating patterns. The progressively cooler weather is changing my desires so I'm going to need to come up with a Fall and Winter eating plan quick fast and in a hurry. (plus any other synonyms you can think of for Now) Today was no different actually, I ate differently than I have been with my shake in the middle of the day for lunch instead of at the beginning and end. I've decided that the beginning and the end need to remain in place until I am out of mix. Which honestly will only be about another 4 or 5 days. After that I have to just keep things in check, I'm just terrified that I will somehow mess up all of the good work I've done these last two weeks. I'm determined to keeping moving forward in this just like with the rest of my life. No looking back and no falling back into detrimental habits. I have plenty to look forward to in just the near coming months alone and that is keeping me motivated.
Day 151
Breakfast I was chilly outside and an ice cold shake was not going to cut it.

Homemade Sweet Potato Bread with turkey bacon and Orange juice
I was so hungry I nearly forgot to take the picture.

I think the last two days have been so different in my eating because I seem to have been way too hungry when finally deciding to make a meal. Hmm, I'll have to force myself to be more aware of this tomorrow. 

I did forget to take my picture this time until after I finished eating
Chicken wings, and about a cup of Shrimp Fried Rice

For dinner I was not hungry so I simply mixed up a cup of the Accell metabolism drink by Zrii

Day 152

Breakfast was courtesy of my mother, I couldn't resist it was smelling amazing and my run this morning was long and draining.

Tomato, Sausage, and Spinach Fritatta (fancy word for baked omelette)
Homemade Sweet Potato Bread and Unsweetened Applesauce

Lunch day 152

Lunch Dutch Chocolate Achieve by Zrii and 32 ounces of water to wash it down

snack shared with my kiddo

Air-Popped Popcorn (yes my weakness in snack choices)

So I did in fact fail to photograph dinner, my mother cooked yet again.

Oven baked bar-b-que chicken with baked beans and potato salad.

I made sure to drink 16 ounces of water before beginning to eat, 8 ounces while I ate, and another 8 ounces as I finished eating. All 32 ounces of water helped me to feel full well before I normally would have if I waited to drink until I was nearly finished shoveling food into my face. 

I only have 2 more workouts with Jillian Michael's before I set her aside for a couple of weeks and sink deeply into my mat for some much needed yoga refocus. If you couldn't tell, I am so ready to be finished with this body revolution. My body has been revolutionized and is now in need of a small break Haha! I thank each of you for any time that you may take to come by and see how I am doing. if you have some positive energy to send out into the world I ask that a simple thought be sent my way for just a moment. I could use a little extra good juju to help bring my first journey to a close. If anyone else needs good energy sent their way I have plenty to share. Until next time 

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 149 - 150

Hey Ya'll,
I'm slightly at a loss for what to leave you with today. I'm missing elements of my old life but not nearly enough to subject myself to the toxicity of my former surroundings. So I'll just be sure to keep in touch with the loved ones that I actually miss and take some time this week to prepare the foods that remind me of home. I'll be sure to take plenty of photos on those days.
Day 149 had a bit more food than planned but again not bad. I've been making some noticeable progress and I'm determined not to mess that up. I'm finally beginning to actually look different, not just live different. I've been waiting for my body to catch up with the rest of me for months now. Now I just need this to snowball and get my outside to match my insides. I know I sound impatient, I'm trying not to be, but occasionally I find myself there so I just breathe and keep moving forward.
Day 149:

More Dutch Chocolate Achieve by Zrii and literally a gallon of water for the day

I split this plate with my daughter, she ate most of the cheese and all of the tomatoes LOL
Tuna salad and cucumbers Mmmm mmmm

So this wasn't actually my plate of spaghetti, I forgot to take a pic of mine, but this was about how much I had. 

I think I'm struggling tonight with my dialog because I'm tired, and still quite a bit hungry, so I'm going to call it a night early and start fresh tomorrow. 

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 148o

Hey Ya'll,
As of today I realize just how excited I am about finishing my current exercise routine and taking on the challenge of pouring myself over my mat again. Of course I touch it to some extent fairly often, but not nearly to the extent that I was earlier this year. Making big changes has a tendency to disrupt habits of all kinds. But I only have one more week left of Jillian Michaels before yoga intensives become my focus again. Yoga is more than a great stretch or a good workout for me. It's a way to calm my mind and open my heart enough to hear the responses that my Creator has to the prayers I send up so regularly. Without it I struggle to hear or see what is meant for me sometimes. With it I float through life secure and at peace.

Okay, so clearly I was a bit contemplative today but I didn't over think my meals. They were simple and slightly odd. But nothing was overdone.
Breakfast and dinner the same today:

Dutch Chocolate Achieve by Zrii and 4 - 32 ounce containers of water

Lunch consisted of a hodgepodge of leftovers as usual:

Sauteed Cabbage with Cornbread
I also had a small Granny Smith Apple and 2 sticks of String Cheese
(I know kind of random, but it's what I had)

There was an evening snack before my dinner shake today. Which I hadn't been doing lately, but it happened: 

Reunited with my favorite snack Air-Popped Popcorn

I'm proud of where I am and where I am going...even if I don't yet know exactly what direction that is in right now. I do know for sure it's not backwards and that is perfectly fine with me. May ya'll have peace, love, light, and tasty bites throughout your life. 

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 146-147

Hey Ya'll,
So yesterday I did some investigating into my future....Have you ever gotten the feeling that the "normal" route into something just might not be meant for you? Oh well, I'll try anyway and if it's what The Creator has in store for me then it will happen. If not, then there are always alternate routes. The front door isn't the only way to access the home.
I do know that I need a new camera and a way to make some money. But then again, it seems that is what most of us want these days (including the new camera) LOL. But I am fighting the urge to over think anything and just continue to listen. Because I was out and about all day yesterday I failed to collect pictures of any meals. But I do have the photos from Thursday. Nothing special, and still working through my bag of Dutch Chocolate Achieve by Zrii. Oh yeah, I can't afford to continue with the Zrii (yet again) after this bag. So I'm going to have to just snatch my habits in and keep photo documenting for accountability. To be honest the photos are twice as effective as any food journal has ever been. As a matter of fact, as soon as I upgrade my phone I think I will connect to InstaGram to keep things going from Zen_Tasting beyond the 180 in 180 project.
Day 146 Breakfast and Dinner:

The cup holds 30 ounces of water
Dutch Chocolate Achieve by Zrii

Day 146 Lunch:

I'm sure putting up recipes is going to become necessary very soon, especially once I figure out how to gain my control of the kitchen. Right now, it's not really something I do because I so often just throw things together without thinking about it.

Steamed Brown Rice, Sauteed Kale, Simmered Red Beans, with Tomatoes Jalapeno and Onion

Night 146 I went to bed feeling accomplished and hopeful. Night 147 I went to bed feeling hopeful but uncertain.The big difference now from 147 days ago is that hope is still present. The worst thing that could ever happen to a soul is for hope to be lost. Lost hope causes the world to fade to gray and the air to thicken. I have hope for you out there; that in your own journey hope finds you again and never leaves.

Peace& Namaste Ya'll 

180 in 180 Day 145

Hey Ya'll,
Today has been slightly emotional for me, in other words my Zen is off center. I know that it's mostly due to the fact that I'm missing certain people in my life and old surroundings. BUT new can be could, in this case it was necessary, and it does not have to be permanent. Also I found myself thinking more about the physical changes that have, more like have not, occurred during the last 145 days. Yes there have been some changes but not nearly as many as I am aiming for, so I started to get a little down for a nano second. Then I remembered that this journey was about so much more than just my body. This journey was about my entire life and now that my life is turning around everything else is following. And to be honest much more quickly now than ever before. I have so much more to look forward to in my life than I thought would actually be possible. Literally one event after the other and I'm fighting tooth and nail to be my best for each and every one.
My meals today involved the Dutch Chocolate Achieve for both breakfast and dinner as usual. Lunch on the other hand was a bit heavy... *Note to self - stop eating my mother's leftovers for lunch if I want things to move along more quickly.*

Lunch - I felt like I hadn't eaten in days this afternoon, double cardio day is not my friend and I practically counteracted it this afternoon:

Sauteed cabbage, Mac n cheese, Grilled Tilapia, and Cornbread

 Food and body image issues aside, physically, I feel great. Spiritually I feel lighter. Mentally, the clouds are steadily lifting. I asked for my life to be better and it is so much better now than it was 145 days ago. I don't know what these last 35 days have in store for me but I'm going full force until the clock runs out on this journey. Then maybe I'll start up another more specific journey to embark on. But until then I'm getting as much out of this as possible. Do you have any specific ideas for further turn around in your life?

Peace & Namste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 144

Hey Ya'll,
Today has been odd, not bad not good just a bit odd. I literally woke up with a smile on my face this morning with no understanding as to why. But I chose not to question it and simply kept smiling. I briefly text chatted with one of my favorite people and even though we didn't say much to each other today it was still enough. I asked a lot of questions about a potential profession and I've spent most of the day processing what I've learned. I wanted to die during my workout but after it was finished I lived. I felt famished today and ate a little more than intended, but I have no guilt or shame in it because it was what I needed today and it could have been so much more shameful.

Breakfast:

Dutch Chocolate Achieve by Zrii

Lunch:

Leftovers from my share of dinner last night that I did not consume
Brown rice w/ gravy, green beans, corn, and baked chicken

Mid-Day snack and Evening Meal:

Accell metabolism drink mix for Mid-day snack
Dutch Chocolate Achieve by Zrii for evening meal

Dinner with my family:

When we got home this evening I was still famished and dinner was already finished and smelling amazing. So I snagged a small plate to offset the hunger pangs. 

Cabbage, fried Okra, Tomato, and Onion

As you can see my eating could have been better, but it also could have been worse. I had some more detailed thoughts about what my goals are personally and professionally. Right now I find myself sitting more quietly (even praying softer and less feverishly) so that my spirit and heart is still enough to hear all of my answers. So I will continue to sit still and breath. Taking one step at a time as they rise from the ashes for me.

What strategy are you using to find the path meant for you?

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 143

Hey Ya'll,
Today I felt lighter and better able to move. I felt focused and determined. I felt like everything I've been doing these last few weeks is starting to make a difference in me. I don't think I look any different, but I definitely feel different. My life is lighter, my heart is lighter, my mind is lighter, and I know that my body will follow suit. I'm practicing breathing and simply taking in my surroundings so I don't miss any Blessings meant for me. I know I'm not finished spinning around in my full 180 degrees yet, but when I am my new view is going to be so amazing.

Breakfast today was just as it has been the last few days:

Dutch Chocolate Achieve and 32 ounces of water
And yes I had 4 of these bottles of water today

Lunch was a bit more...sad really. LOL I planned to make myself a salad, BUT the refrigerator thought today was a good say to freeze virtually every vegetable in the crisper bins. *insert sad face* Lettuce, cucumber, carrots, red bell peppers all frozen. So this is what I had for lunch

A grapefruit and leftover bbq steak
I managed to salvage a handful of baby carrots and half an avocado as well...So not all was lost

Even though my lunch was a bit random and scavenger-like I managed to get a full belly that coasted me through to my dinner shake. 

I didn't even have the Accell for a mid-evening boost. 

After all of my good vibes, good workouts, and good-ish eating I think I will sleep like a log tonight. As a matter of fact I'm calling it a night right now...before I get hungry and ruin all of my good. Here's to a tomorrow full of good and light being shone on life. 

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 141 & 142

Hey Ya'll,
Somehow I managed to misplace my camera last night after dinner and didn't find it again until about an hour ago. So I have pictures from yesterday, but not from today, and let's just say I need to keep this camera on me at all times. Having to snap a shot of what I'm about to put in my mouth is some serious accountability that I seriously need.

Day 141
Breakfast started out exactly as planned:

My Dutch Chocolate Achieve and 32 ounces of filtered water

Lunch wasn't exactly what it should have been, we ended up going to the movies. So I had a snack at home
and of course the obligatory movie theater popcorn (no butter) and a handful of Reese's Pieces tossed into my popcorn (don't judge me).

My snack: 1/4 cup prepared tuna salad with celery and onion. Instead of crackers I used red peppers to scoop

P.S. If you haven't seen Riddick-D I highly recommend seeing it, if for no other reason than to hear Vin Diesel growl *le sigh* ... but I digress LOL

I intended to go out and about in my new environment to watch the Floyd Mayweather vs. Canelo fight. But when I realized that I would have to go alone after dark I changed my mind...I'm not all the familiar with everything here in the daylight so night time isn't exactly a comfortable time for me to explore where I know people will be drinking and wound up a bit. Instead I hung out at home and yes...had a couple (literally 2) beers. It's been so long since I've had a beer and they were so delicious! 

Crab legs, boiled corn and potatoes
No all that was not just for me there were 3 of us sharing LOL

Yesterday was not as controlled as it needed to be, but it was not "Out of control"...Today on the other had. *lowers head in slight shame* 

remember I don't have any photos, but we'll say that tomorrow's run might need to have a little more umpf in it. But even beyond my plate I feel like I really had a chance to reset today. I'm actually not dreading getting up to run in the morning like I usually do. And I am SUPER excited about entering my last 2 weeks in Jillian Michael's Body Revolution program. That woman is so intense, I just need to switch my routine up for a little break from her. I'm sure I'll break her back out to beat the Holidays, because I can't go seeing friends and family looking and feeling as if I've been doing nothing all this time. I think after I'm finished with Jillian I'm going to unroll my mat and dig deep into my practice there. I miss having a teacher, but I have to do whatever I can to elevate my Zen. Plus running is beating my body up and I need the increased flexibility and mobility that yoga brings along with it. 

As for the other parts of my Zen, I'm just waiting for certain chips to fall so that I can watch the domino effect apply itself positively throughout my life. I am so ready for all of the newness coming my way, I have to force my containment. I feel beyond Blessed and not much has even materialized yet. But I know it's happening. And I hope those of you who have decided to take on a 180 challenge know that your Blessings in life are happening too, even if they have not materialized yet. See ya'll tomorrow

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 140

Hey Ya'll,
Let me start off by saying today did not go as planned. BUT it did not go poorly either. I had a program to attend at my daughter's school this morning but there was only an arrival time on the flyer. No end time or agenda was given to parents. So, I ASSumed that it would be quick, an hour tops, and I could come straight home for my breakfast. Negative! I was at that school nearly 3 hours being told pretty much the same thing over and over again for nearly two-thirds of that time. After hour 2 I gave in and ate one of the bagels they had set up for parents to partake in. After my run and workout with Jillian Michael's early this morning I couldn't hold out any longer for my Achieve. *Le sigh* Oh well, I managed to not veer too far off track even though I had a rocky start. I don't have a picture of my breakfast, mostly because it was not on the menu today, but it was a small sesame seed bagel with plain light cream cheese.

Lunch was another leftover collaboration

Steamed Broccoli with marinara sauce, rice, and a baked chicken leg

I made my kiddo an after-school snack and of course I had to dip my hand into it a couple of times. Well, because it's the best snack ever...in my opinion.

Air-popped Popcorn!!! Mmmm, yes there was a little REAL butter

Because I was thrown off my game from the start today I opted out of the Chili Cheese Dog dinner tonight. Yea, no one else around here is all that focused on dropping the pounds. But that's okay, because this is for me...And I didn't have to stand around cooking the food. So I was good with my evening shake.

Dutch Chocolate Achieve shake
Oh! By the way, that bottle holds about 32 ounces of water. I have had 4 full bottles today

So I had my shake around 5:30 this evening and around 7:15 after all of the grilled hot dog and chili smells subsided I found myself having a little rummbly in my tummbly. (in my best Winnie the Pooh voice) So I played it smart. 

Sweet Watermelon and yes I sprinkled a bit of salt on it. I can't help it, it's the country girl in me.

But all in all not a bad day. I think tomorrow will have a more liberal dinner with a structured breakfast and lunch. After all, who watches a boxing match without chicken and beer... I'm just saying. 

Peace and Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 136-139...The Package has Arrived

Hey Ya'll!!!
If you haven't figured it out, my Zrii Achieve has arrived and I am excited! So yes the product is no longer soy and dairy free, but it is GMO and cruelty free. Which means a lot to me, I have never been a committed vegan so this change is really only a problem because dairy does not always agree with me. But I sleep alone right now so all of the potential excess wind won't be a problem LOL. My first day was fine until around 6:00pm. It's not that I was excruciatingly hungry or anything, the shakes are actually rather filling, it's because I was so tired but had to stay awake to finish out my day with the kiddo. I fought the urge to munch to stay awake fairly well, but boy were those vending machines at the gymnastics club begging for my money. My meals were not glamorous, but they were nutritious and kept my belly from rumbling. I didn't waste time counting calories, to be honest I don't want to have to do that ever again. I want to be able to hear my body say was it's finished and when it needs more, then give appropriately. This is the rest of my life and I want to live it free of everything that has ever held me back up until now: people who don't love me, doubt, loneliness, hiding from myself, not following my own truth. All of those toxic elements got me nothing but pain and an uncomfortable body. This journey has really opened me up to seeing that and committing to correcting it all. I am so grateful for this venture and everything that has come from it, I truly am blessed.

Okay, my meals for the day:
Breakfast was after my double workout (the reason I was so tired) one serving of Zrii Dutch Chocolate

The taste is not bad, best when it's cold. But then again chocolate makes everything better. 

I often find myself pieces together elements from previous meals for my lunches, this one was no different.

Red Beans and Rice, Steamed Kale with spicy Sweet Potatoes, Avocado with Salsa and Onion
I don't have recipes because most of the time I'm just throwing things together. Maybe my next journey will involve writing out recipes to my random creations.

Remember I said around 6:00pm I had a snack attack? Well, I chose to knock the edge off with a handful of raw almonds and a Zrii Accell drink mix. I forgot to take a picture of the mix, don't worry I'm sure there will be another consumed today LOL.

Around 7:15 I had my second shake for the day. To be honest this routine is going to be very helpful at least 3 days out of the week since I am away from the house until about 8:15pm and I don't like to eat that late. The other 4 days I may shift from eating lunch to eating dinner so that I can sit down with my family and enjoy myself.

I ended up drinking this one at room temperature, it wasn't bad, it just wasn't my preferred way. Next time I'll load my cup with ice before I leave the house. 

Thank you....if there is anyone out there. Thank you for being patient with me as I grow in this venture. I will return later today to tell you all about Day 140. 

Peace and Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 129-135

Hey Ya'll,
I'm getting excited, I received notice on Thursday that my order has shipped. So literally any day now I will be grinding even harder than I am right now. I decided that I will go back to my daily posts when my order arrives that way I will have a much harder time falling off track. Although, to be honest this week has not been a bad week for me. I've been rather focused and careful; I can actually notice a change in my clothes and I'm feeling proud of myself. And not that pride that comes from deprivation where I want to "reward" myself because of it. But the pride where I'm feeling more charged up and ready for the next level. I have a lot to look forward to over the next few months and damn it I fully intend to feel my best when each event arrives.

It's time to break out the yoga dvds again. Right now classes just aren't an option for me, even though I prefer having an instructor to physically correct me. But I miss my mat and my body is screaming at me for being away from it for so long. My mat is where my heart lives and I realize this even more so now than ever before.

I am so  grateful for this journey that I started myself on this year. Not for a single second did I doubt that this year would change my life. I didn't know exactly to what extent...but The Creator is great and gives me everything I need to get to where I'm supposed to be. And I say Thank You with everything I have in me. Thank You. Where do your gratitudes lie right now at this point in your life?

Peace and Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 122-128

Hey Ya'll,
So this past week has been very interesting for me; I'm still not in control of meals (which is odd but not altogether bad) so there are no pictures of meals yet again. BUT I seem to have infiltrated the way the grocery shopping is done around here. Now significantly more fresh produce is coming in through the door and I couldn't be happier. I am going to be meal replacing for the 30 days (once my order arrives) because I feel like my workouts need an amplifier. Don't get me wrong, I'm seeing slow and steady results like recommended, but I'm also getting really antsy and if I can't break through into a new pant size soon I'm going to end up discouraged and I've worked too hard these last 128 days to quit now. So for the sake of accountability I will be posting each days food and liquid consumption starting tomorrow.

By the way, I just took a huge sigh after typing that, mostly because this means I'm going to have to honest with myself about how much effort I put into ALL aspects of my life. But I'm beyond ready, especially now that I have so much support around me and so many adventures waiting on me. So much to actually look forward to in my life and people who actually want to share that with me is amazing motivation. I'm ready for ya'll to watch me work! And it only took two thirds of my journey Haha...better late than never right?

So I guess I'll be back to daily rather than weekly. See you tomorrow world.
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 114-121

Hey Ya'll,
I'm feeling great and starting to look good again, so I figured now was as good a time as any to tighten up on my diet again. It's not that I haven't been making progress, because I've actually done well considering how quickly my life has started to spin around. I have quite a bit of traveling coming my way over the next 6 months and I want to my outward appearance to match the way I feel on the inside. SEXY. I know nothing will happen overnight, but since I've gotten a good jump start on things these last few months adding a catalyst may be exactly what I need for drastic physical changes to come about and meet my drastic personal changes.

I was doing well until I was suddenly no longer in control of my grocery lists. But I've found a system and I think I can get what I need to be successful. Although this will take some communication of my needs I at least have people in my corner who want me to be happy. People who are willing to give me whatever they can to help me make my life great. I am so grateful for my turned around life. I asked for this journey and I am embracing it with both arms. I only have 59 days left let's see how much more I can get out of it.

Peace and Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 113

Hey Ya'll,
So I know I've left you high and dry for the last 47 days... and for that I apologize. Please know I have been continuing with my 180 degree turn around. But apparently I had a LOT further to turn around in my life so that I could meet my 180 degree change. All those days that I spent so deep in my feelings were a mere symptom of the excessive amount of toxic clutter in my life that needed to be cleared. It's amazing how sometimes we try so hard to keep something that we THINK we want only to realize that the energy we spent clinging to something that never served us with purpose, positivity, or love was wasted and we can only hope to be wiser for it going forward in our lives.

So, I have released as much toxicity at one time from my life as I possibly could during this journey. Jobs, relationships, ideas, pre-conceived notions, plans, expectations (both of me and from me) are all relinquished. I felt immediately lighter, even healthier and happier, once I accepted that everything I had convinced myself I needed/wanted/loved was really just me forcing a life woven from fabrications and expectations. Once I told myself that it was okay to stop pretending to be who I am and really BE who I am, I started to believe know that my life was meant for so much more than what I was trying to cram it into. My soul expanded and filled the world. Now I am at home in my life. And it is time to decorate my life exactly the way I choose. No more questioning how long my path will take, or if it will make enough money, or if my need to move to follow my passions will be acceptable. No more being held back by anything or anyone.

Yes, these shifts in my life were scary at first. But not for very long at all, fortunately I have an amazing support system that I can rely on to catch me when I need to sit in limbo professionally for a short period of time. Right now, they are my Free Space in life and I'm setting my marker there while I get my plan together. Of course I do need to devise a plan for my life, but now I can actually follow my heart. Unfortunately, I've been suppressing my heart's passions for so many years that I'm needing a little more time to reconnect with what she's saying again. But with so few distractions in my life now I know it won't be long before we're speaking the same language again. I'm back and I'm reporting on the rest of my journey for ya'll to follow.

Have any of you had a big unexpected swing in your journey and now you realize how far 180 degrees from your current life truly is? If so, share with the rest of the class. :-) LOL

Peace and Namaste Ya'll

P.S. I have been keeping up with my workouts. They keep my sane, but I'm ready to switch this program up. 3 more weeks until it's over and I can mix it up.

180 in 180 Days 53-59

Hey Ya'll,
It's been a...let's say highly eventful week, but in understanding how complaining can damage all of the other good in ones life. I'm just so glad to be on a path to change. I haven't had any interesting or ingenious meals lately, so no pictures. Sorry. But I am still on a role with my workouts and feeling more and more proud of myself with each passing week. It's amazing how, even if it's something you don't want to do, doing what is best can make your world so much better. Feeling a sense of pride in accomplishing something good in your life can coast you for years until the next level needs to be reached. Never be afraid to do the work necessary to be your best. That last sentence has been ringing in my ears for all week long. It makes me think of my career (or lack there of) and my husband's career. The Creator works in amazing ways, and always on His own timeline. When we think things should have happened years ago, He knows that we weren't ready at that time for whatever reason. I've been spending all this time wondering what to do with my life, looking to take the easiest route possible. But that's not what He had in store for me. He knew that the head of our home needed to lead our family's advancement or else none of what I needed to accomplish would work. As soon as my husband entered graduate school old ideas of me going to grad school began to return. Once he completed his first year what I wanted to do was like an epiphany. But it wasn't until my husband got a new job that I really accepted the possibilities of my being able to reach for these revitalized goals. An entirely new life plan formed for me once his new job began and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. All because I needed to be the support first, in order to make room for,me to be supported. For the first time ever I'm not afraid to do the stretches of time away from my family that will be required when it's my turn to go to grad school. I am so grateful that God thought enough of me to provide a life partner who is so driven towards success that his drive spills out on to me. Keeping me from hiding from the world for fear of failure and rejection and really encouraging me to push myself toward excellence. I wanted to "find myself" by the time I was 30; but He said His timeline is what we follow, not mine. So I'm going to be obedient and allow His will to unfold as I thank my husband for dealing with all my crazy flakey ideas over the years. I'm sure my husband will never understand how much I need him to help make my dreams come true, but I'm glad he will be here to make sure they do. Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 52

Hey Ya'll,
So I know that in my last post I said I was going to come out of my feelings for awhile. But I want to step back into them today, if nothing more than to be a cautionary word for you.
I am learning that sometimes being quiet about the undesirable parts of your life can be a much better route to take. I don't necessarily mean just shut up and take it. I mean keep your mouth closed and change it. You see, while whining and complaining about 2 aspects of life I allowed something that would be relatively easy to change to spill over into all the beautiful and good in my life. Thus creating an even bigger mess to try and clean up...that is, if I can clean it up in time.

The Creator doesn't take kindly to looking his gift horse in the mouth. He will let it bite you. What I mean by that is, when you continuously vocalize only what's wrong He hears "make it ALL brand new". So the world shakes, turns upside down, empties its pockets, and walks away for you to pick up the mess. I only hope that I can repent enough to let it be known that I realize I was being a lazy, spoiled baby, and that I am taking an active role in my life again. No more words with out actions.

The moral of the story kids is: Recognize what you want to be different in your life. Ask for it once, then be patient while you Work towards it. Had I just been patient I could have avoided so much turmoil. Well there's your Zen for the day... Work
Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 51

Hey Ya'll,
So today I'm shifting gears, lately I've been too deep in my feelings in an attempt to dig out some Zen. You know what, sometimes you just have to leave well enough alone and build on to what you have from where you are. Here in Texas we don't have basements because it's too much trouble to go blasting through the limestone to try and create an unnecessary extra foundation. Well, that's the approach I'm taking to my life right now, no need to go trying to tear up what's set in stone in an attempt to redo what's already done. I am who I am because of the way I have lived; good, bad, ugly, indifferent, all me and all necessary at some point in my life. With that I'm going to bring back some more of the Tasting part of this blog (and my life) for you right now.

Tonight I was in a cooking mood. Which is always a great thing, because a cooking mood means that I am feeling creative, available, relaxed, and at ease with my life at that moment. Tonight's dinner is one that I've been dreaming of make for nearly a week now. And I was absolutely in the right frame of mind to make it, unfortunately we were so ready to eat that I forgot to take the picture before digging in. Oh but man, was it good!

Steamed Broccoli and Cajun Tilapia Topped  with Shrimp Creole over Steamed Rice

This dish was filling enough to not feel deprived, but light enough to survive the increasing Summer temperatures around here. Seafood is the name of the game this Summer, keeping it light to get it tight! :-)
Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 50

Hey Ya'll,
Have any of you ever had to actively stop yourself from sabotaging your current situation? Well today I struggled with this on a whole new level. Today it wasn't my food choices or even my workout routine. Both were solid and positive this hot humid Monday. Today I had to force myself from sabotaging the good place that one of my most valued relationships is currently in. You see, I make every effort to be open and forth coming in general, but with those I hold nearest and dear to me I do my best to be as transparent as possible. This is my policy because I want to be loved for who I am and that cannot be done if I am hiding behind half truths, omissions, or out right lies. Also, I choose this policy in my life because the people I love and keep nearest to me I respect too much to be false with them.
Unfortunately, I have been certain for years that a large lie has been fabricated and adhered to and today I was reminded of it yet again. I had to decide if forcing the truth out once and for all was worth the turmoil that is sure to follow. I still haven't decided. I really wish that I didn't have to be placed in the position of dragging out the whole truth and that it would just be offered up in good faith that I am a reasonable person. I am not perfect and I do get angry/sad/confused/hurt, but I also make the effort to be reasonable about my reactions to my emotions, especially when my decisions will inevitably cause drastic changes in the way my life is lived.
I can't for the life of me imagine the amount of false pride and ego required to continue to look a person in the eye and consistently lie...even if the lie is slightly different every time. What sort of love could possibly find its way through opaque facades? Certainly not unconditional or everlasting love. This is how mistrust, insecurity, and fear anchor themselves into your life. Are relationships that introduce such questionings into your life worth keeping? Well, I guess that all depends on if they can be out weighed by more positive things or if the negative will continue to rear its ugly head into your life. Clean house or Clean address books, either way the air needs to be cleared in order to breath deeply.
Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 49

Hey Ya'll,

Happy Father's Day to all of the men out there who are doing their part to raise their children. You are a bigger blessing to the lives you touch everyday more than you could ever know. 

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 48

Hey Ya'll,
So today I took the time to go see my fraternity brother and his new family. The teeny tiny baby made me question what I am willing to do/give up to have the type of life I always dreamed of (4 kids, country home, etc.) I decided that I'm okay with living the life that I have now as long as I can continue to make it less and less stressful. My eventual goal is to wake up with a passion and truthfully say I love what I do more often than not.
As I sit here alone, I find myself contemplating the next thing to commit to that will improve my life. I'm not certain what it is, but I'm leaning towards renewing my cleanse and going for a 50 day clean eating program. but in order for this one to stick I can't leave things as vague as I did last time. I need time frames as well as rules for food. Maybe tomorrow with less white wine in my system will allow for more clarity. Until then:
Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 47

Hey Ya'll,
Have you ever felt the need to apologize for the way you live?..No, just me? Well that's okay, I own my dysfunction. I have always had a problem with feeling the need to apologize for simply taking up space sometimes. As if my existence were a burden upon those I encounter rather than a blessing. I'm not really sure where this began, or maybe I am and I'm choosing not to pour all of that out here on the world wide web. Either way, what I do know is that if I'm okay with me then most other people will be okay with me as well. Of course you can't please everyone, but when you're living a decent life you can get a smile out of most for it, right?

I bring this up because the last few years I've been apologizing for my size, trying not to be an embarrassment to my husband out in public. You know, maybe if no one ever really sees me in person then they'll only remember me as I was. If I'm not on my husband's arm tainting his image then he won't have to hang his head down and walk 3 steps ahead of me. I know this sounds ridiculous, but unless you've been inside the mind of someone who is hurting and doesn't know how to stop it, then you'll never understand. But  since choosing to embark on this journey I've come to terms with the fact that I have been projecting my own feelings about myself on to those around me. I didn't want the old self image that I clinge to become tainted by allowing others to see me as I am now. In a world where men would rather be single eternally than marry the fat version of the woman of their dreams, one just doesn't feel very secure in their position among the rest of society. I get that it's important to take care of ourselves, that's why this journey is in place right now. But finally, I also get that I don't have to wait to live my life until I've lost *blah blah* pounds.
You deserve to enjoy your life regardless of how perfect or imperfect you are or hope to be. You deserve to be seen, heard, loved, cuddled, invited to life events, treated to new clothes, allowed to be exactly who you are; all regardless of what you look like, what you studied (or didn't study), what you earn, what you're interested in, or what you weigh. With that I would like to say, I don't even know you and I Love You, all because I am learning to love myself.
Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 46

Hey Ya'll,
You know the dark forces of the world really try to get you when you're feeling optimistic about life and smiling through the day. The dark goal is to bring you down and keep you there so that you forget what you believe in and what you live for. Yesterday I expressed me renewed hope and light here as I journey through these 180 days. Well today the ugly flew all around me and I just wanted to come home have a home brew and go to bed. But instead I came home, worked out, sat with my hubby and shared some new ideas with him. I laughed at the none sense of the day so that the anger couldn't fester. My hopeful mood does not change the fact that I want/need something different in my life in terms of my career. It just means that I'm managing the anxiety around the subject better. I have a friend who said something that really stuck with me. She said: "Everyone's life is hard and Everyone's life is beautiful." It's so true, the beauty in my life right now out weighs the hard more than it has in maybe 11 years and I am so grateful. I know that I get impatient and anxious, but it's just because I can feel the advancement for our life right on the tips of my fingers and I so desperately want to be able to grasp it fully and bring it all to life at one time. But I know that would disrupt the plan that has been so carefully laid by The Creator for us to be able to optimize our life and living.
If I can just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming. Then I know we'll land on every shore that we're supposed to land on. until then I have to take these less than stellar days in stride and try not to eat my feelings. Bad habits die hard.
Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 45

Hey Ya'll,
So my body is crazy super tired right now, but I feel as though my mind is as uplifted as it has been in months. That tells me somethings about myself:
1) The time that I am getting to myself lately I really needed
2) I am so physically out of shape that I had fallen emotionally/mentally out of shape as well
3) I need to find a routine that I can maintain during the school year while I tote my kid about
4) My body is designed to move and I do it no serve by refusing to move.
5) I can think more clearly when I've moved around a bit at some point in the day

I am being to feel like a missing element in my worship and praise practice was treating the only thing that my Creator gave me to have forever (my body) with love and respect. I have always known what I should do to honor myself while on this Earth. But I don't believe that I ever honestly felt as though I deserved to be treated so kindly and with so much love and respect. I have been told that my appearance is wrong and I should be ashamed, so in my shame I abused myself into a never ending battles of wills. Then found myself wondering why I kept losing. Well, how many people get hit right in the mouth every time they attempt to speak and still manage to successfully communicate verbally? Not many right? Well, that's what it's like to attempt to do something for yourself that requires love and respect but instead use hate and shame.
So yes, tonight my body is tired, but for once my soul is not weary. So I will just go to bed a little earlier, stretch a little longer, and get ready for tomorrow's workout and workday. What do you need to help bring clarity to your mind and light to your spirit?
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Days 39-44

Hey Ya'll,
This week Miss Jillian Michaels and I have been having knock down drag out fights...and I think I'm winning. hehe. I've been passing out as soon as soon as my head hits the pillow at night, but I've been getting it done. And I'm feeling proud of myself again. Something I haven't felt in a long time. I'm feeling uplifted again in my life and capable of taking control of my life again. I hope to be able to say that with each passing week I spin just a little more to reach 180 degrees.

As another element in doing what I love to live my life rather than allow it to pass me by, I have decided to take a cooking class as often as possible in order to hone my skills and feed my creative needs. So far I have taken a Cold Beer and Small Plates class as well as a Pasta Workshop. These classes were belated birthday gifts from my dad and I am so grateful for this jump start into my creative advancement. I would like to show you all my creations:

The local grocery store where I took my classes.

The first beer and plate:
"Sculpin" IPA from Ballast Point, San Diego, CA
Seared Scallop on Summer Greens w/ Passion Fruit Vinagrette
 I found that the sweetness of the scallops and dressing brought about a desire for the hoppy, bitter, crispness of the IPA. Typically I am not an IPA fan, but this went well enough together that I was able to appreciate the style of beer.

This is a local beer from right here in Austin, TX (we make great beer) 

The beer is called "El Cedro" a Hoppy Cedar-Aged Ale made by Jester King

The "El Cedro" was paired with a Dill & Citrus rubbed Wild Salmon over steamed Jasmine Rice
The salmon was so perfectly cooked to medium that I felt I had never really had salmon before this class.
The fruity cedar notes in the beer cut through the fattiness of the salmon really creating an effortless balance.

The 3rd pairing:
"La Socarrada" by Cervesa Artesanal de Xativa from Xativa, Spain
 Smoked Pork Loin Chop w/ Mushroom Demi
This pairing happened to be my absolute favorite. The La Socarrada  has a caramelized pear flavor to it.
The tender sweetness of the pork leaned into the golden honey notes of the beer almost like a complementary glaze.

The final plate was paired with 2 different beers:
"Guanabara" Imperial Stout made by Cerzeva Colorado in Brazil
&
"Victory at Sea" Imperial Porter made by Ballast Point in San Diego, CA
Marinated Sirloin with Bacon and Tomatoes was the simple pairing for such complex, deeply flavored beers.
The Guanabara smelled of prunes or figs to me and even when poured had the appearance of prune juice or molasses.
The beer sort of coats the palate with rich dark fruit flavors and the saltiness of the bacon bounces off these flavors.
The Victory at Sea was a heavier creamy beer with big bitter chocolate flavors and smelled of toasted beans.
The beer was more of an end of meal beer rather than a complimentary beer. An ice cream float with this one would work.

My second class, turned out to be more about sauces than the pasta specifically.

Though we did get to mix our own pasta dough

My smooth as a baby's bum dough

The kitchen/stage where all the magic happened

Lasagna with Bolognese and Bechamel Sauce
This was not my favorite version of this dish, I found it to be a bit bland and lacking the lovely cheesy elements that I love in lasagna. Give me Ricotta and Mozzarella any day. 

Class participants having their turn up at the stove

Butternut Squash with sage Ravioli in a Brown Butter Sauce
These were made by hand from the dough that we made earlier in class.
I think the recipe had potential, but needed better seasoning. Butternut squash is one of those foods that does better in a hearty big flavor component for me. Otherwise it is obscenely bland. 

These were the two dishes that we did not have time to sit and eat. Plus we were too full to try anyway.
Pasta Pomodora and Pasta Primavera.
Simple, healthy, satisfying. All wonderful elements to any meal.
I seem to have lost my Pasta Cabonara picture, but that dish was my favorite of the night. I intend to make it at home as often as my gluten allowances will tolerate. 

This last week and a half brought new perspective, renewed drive, hope, and desire. I know that this challenge is one of the best things I have done for myself in years. What's been the best thing you have done for you lately? Till next time..

Peace & Namaste Ya'll

180 in 180 Day 38

Hey Ya'll,
I managed to talk myself into another workout today and you know what? I don't regret it. It may hurt or be uncomfortable while I'm doing it. And the couch looks so soft and cushy while I'm standing on my feet sweating. But, the discomfort will end and the couch will still be there all soft and cushy waiting for me once I'm finished. While digging through Pinterest I came across this pin:

This really struck home for me, because it is the absolute truth. There is absolutely NOTHING easy about staying fat, contrary to the belief of many others. I'm going to be honest, of the 3 choices, maintaining weight is the easiest. I fully intend to return to maintenance status because I don't ever want to feel as ashamed of myself again as I have felt for the past 6 years. Staying fat is not only hard on the body, it's hard on the mind and spirit. You never quite feel worth as much as the next person because you haven't dug deep enough within yourself to be worth your own time and effort. Losing the weight is equally hard all around because it is the constant reminder of how you managed to shame yourself and slip out of the good graces of life. Every painful movement and labored breath is a reminder of how little you cared about yourself, or how you allowed the actions of other people to determine how much energy you were worth. It's a mental battle between doing what is comfortable and pushing through that wall that allows you to begin enjoying the journey and seeing the fruits of your labor. 

One day at a time, I have to just keep reminding myself of why I want to do this. I'm tired of hiding from the world, hoping no one will see me as I am so that they can remember me as I was. I can't keep disappointing myself the way I have for the past 6 years. I take accountability for every other action, this should be no different. I want to finish something for once and feel proud of myself again. I haven't felt that since the day I crossed the burning sandz. (If you don't know you never will, and that's okay) That was a long time ago, and since then I have just been allowing life to happen to me rather than being an active participant. This is MY life to live and I'm going to make it Everything that I want it to be. I wish the same for each of you.

Peace & Namaste Ya'll