Tuesday, June 4, 2013

180 in 180 Day 38

Hey Ya'll,
I managed to talk myself into another workout today and you know what? I don't regret it. It may hurt or be uncomfortable while I'm doing it. And the couch looks so soft and cushy while I'm standing on my feet sweating. But, the discomfort will end and the couch will still be there all soft and cushy waiting for me once I'm finished. While digging through Pinterest I came across this pin:
This really struck home for me, because it is the absolute truth. There is absolutely NOTHING easy about staying fat, contrary to the belief of many others. I'm going to be honest, of the 3 choices, maintaining weight is the easiest. I fully intend to return to maintenance status because I don't ever want to feel as ashamed of myself again as I have felt for the past 6 years. Staying fat is not only hard on the body, it's hard on the mind and spirit. You never quite feel worth as much as the next person because you haven't dug deep enough within yourself to be worth your own time and effort. Losing the weight is equally hard all around because it is the constant reminder of how you managed to shame yourself and slip out of the good graces of life. Every painful movement and labored breath is a reminder of how little you cared about yourself, or how you allowed the actions of other people to determine how much energy you were worth. It's a mental battle between doing what is comfortable and pushing through that wall that allows you to begin enjoying the journey and seeing the fruits of your labor. 
One day at a time, I have to just keep reminding myself of why I want to do this. I'm tired of hiding from the world, hoping no one will see me as I am so that they can remember me as I was. I can't keep disappointing myself the way I have for the past 6 years. I take accountability for every other action, this should be no different. I want to finish something for once and feel proud of myself again. I haven't felt that since the day I crossed the burning sandz. (If you don't know you never will, and that's okay) That was a long time ago, and since then I have just been allowing life to happen to me rather than being an active participant. This is MY life to live and I'm going to make it Everything that I want it to be. I wish the same for each of you.
Peace & Namaste Ya'll 
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