Monday, June 17, 2013

180 in 180 Day 50

Hey Ya'll,
Have any of you ever had to actively stop yourself from sabotaging your current situation? Well today I struggled with this on a whole new level. Today it wasn't my food choices or even my workout routine. Both were solid and positive this hot humid Monday. Today I had to force myself from sabotaging the good place that one of my most valued relationships is currently in. You see, I make every effort to be open and forth coming in general, but with those I hold nearest and dear to me I do my best to be as transparent as possible. This is my policy because I want to be loved for who I am and that cannot be done if I am hiding behind half truths, omissions, or out right lies. Also, I choose this policy in my life because the people I love and keep nearest to me I respect too much to be false with them.
Unfortunately, I have been certain for years that a large lie has been fabricated and adhered to and today I was reminded of it yet again. I had to decide if forcing the truth out once and for all was worth the turmoil that is sure to follow. I still haven't decided. I really wish that I didn't have to be placed in the position of dragging out the whole truth and that it would just be offered up in good faith that I am a reasonable person. I am not perfect and I do get angry/sad/confused/hurt, but I also make the effort to be reasonable about my reactions to my emotions, especially when my decisions will inevitably cause drastic changes in the way my life is lived.
I can't for the life of me imagine the amount of false pride and ego required to continue to look a person in the eye and consistently lie...even if the lie is slightly different every time. What sort of love could possibly find its way through opaque facades? Certainly not unconditional or everlasting love. This is how mistrust, insecurity, and fear anchor themselves into your life. Are relationships that introduce such questionings into your life worth keeping? Well, I guess that all depends on if they can be out weighed by more positive things or if the negative will continue to rear its ugly head into your life. Clean house or Clean address books, either way the air needs to be cleared in order to breath deeply.
Peace & Namaste Ya'll
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