Time to Breathe

Hey Ya'll,
I know it's only been about  9 days since I last wrote, but for some reason it feels as though it's been so much longer. Maybe it's because my last post was short and more apologetic than forthcoming in nature. Life for me is taking some interesting turns these days; a lot of travel for both work and pleasure, plans for future travel, trying to stay on top of my classwork. Since my last full post I have been to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Dallas, Texas three times over, and Waco, Texas twice over. To be honest I don't really mind traveling, in fact I love to see new places and experience new cultures. But work travel lately has me going back and forth to the same places and I don't think my personal vehicle is appreciative of the extra mileage. Hmm, maybe I will start renting a car to travel for work. Only trouble with that is even though I get reimbursed I still have to have the money before hand to actually rent the car at the time..... We shall see what I can workout for myself.

My husband and I have decided to make a family trip an annual priority for us. We are making the conscious effort to see new places together and I am so grateful to be blessed with a man who wants to simply make me happy. All my life I have just wanted to see the world and absorb all the culture available to be shared with me.With my personal travels recently I was able to visit the a coastal city that I never really thought much about outside of old "Spring Break" style movies. Fort Lauderdale, Florida actually turned out to be a very nice experience. Come to find out this city has a highly affluent residential population. There is even a segment of housing (if you can call it that) along the waterfront called "Millionaires Rowe". We did have a little difficulty finding local establishments to eat while we were there. But I feel as though that was mostly because we were without personal transportation to go exploring on our own. So we stayed closer to the beach and paid higher prices to eat tourist fare, but I won't deduct any points from the city for our inability to search effectively. 

Life has become exciting and I no longer feel as though I am drowning. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I feel it's the most I honest I can be with myself about how life was going for me for quite some time. I still have a lot of water to tread to get to comfortable, but at least my head is above water at this point. Hope continues to flood my heart and new ideas continue to arise. Even though I am not currently in the physical, professional, or financial status that I want to be in at this point in my journey with IIN, I am most definitely entering the frame of mind that is needed for a life long path to peace, stability, ability, and acceptance of my own life. I know that my deepening understanding of food will be the catalyst for the profession of my dreams. I know that I will never trap myself into a job that stifles my wandering spirit again. I know that I will love myself and my body enough to actively and enthusiastically take care of Me. I know that I will release anxiety and depression for good. I know that I will embrace love and my own sexuality to last my marriage until our very last days. I know that I will be able to breathe and center at will. I feel my zen approaching and I plan to "step into the light" and embrace it full on. 

If you like, feel free to join me in my exposed life's endeavors. These are the things that make me happy and I intend to pursue: Love, Travel, Food, Knowledge, Peace, Movement, Culture, Prayer, and all the ties that connect one to the other. Be happy. Be Loved.

Namaste Ya'll

To Be Continued....

Hey ya'll,
I'm just checking in to let you know I haven't forgotten about you out there. I have been traveling for both leisure and business over the past two weeks and now I am trying to keep from getting sick. Once I am feeling well enough to focus on a whole posting I will tell you all about my trip to Fort Lauderdale, with pictures!

Here's to calm tummies and sound sleep,
Namaste Ya'll

Pepitas!

Hey Ya'll,
I know everyone is finished carving pumpkins by now, but I wanted to share our pumpkin seed roasting success. I read a few different postings from other people on their techniques and found the common tone in successful roasted seeds was low and slow. So that's the route I took.
We managed to get about 3 cups of seeds from our 3 medium and 1 small pumpkins. The most tedious part of the entire process was separating the seeds from the pumpkin guts. It seemed to take forever and created a virtual sensory overload. The smell of wet grassy pumpkin, the feel of sticky slippery stringy pumpkin innards, using the fine motor skills needed to pull each little seed from the confines of the muck. But in the end it was actually fun.
I soaked the seeds in salted water overnight after making sure to carefully wash away any remaining pumpkin first. After soaking I dried the seeds out on a kitchen towel for a few hours tossed them in a bowl with about 2 tablespoons of oil, sea salt, and chili lime seasoning (I felt adventurous). Roasted in the oven at 300F for about 45 minutes, stirring the seeds every 15 minutes.
The seeds came out crisp enough to eat the whole seed instead of needing to shell them first. But what I did find was that some of my seeds were on the verge of being overly toasted on the inside (otherwise known as almost burned). So I think maybe next time my oven will be set to 275, it seems to run a little hot. My seasoning was nice, but my personal tastes would prefer more salt on the seeds. I also thought up more flavors to try, but I don't plan on gutting anymore pumpkins anytime soon.
If anyone knows of a way to Quickly and efficiently shell pumpkin seeds, I would love to know. Shelled pepitas are so versital and I have an idea for a breakfast treat while I have a bag full of seeds in the house now. Next time I'll be reporting back with tales from Florida vacation. Until then...
Namaste Ya'll

Trick or Treat

Hey Ya'll!
Happy Halloween/Feliz Día de los Muertos/Happy Fall Harvesting
I think those cover my primary basis. I took The Munchkin only partially around the neighborhood this year; mostly because she wanted to be home by dark. Yea I know, but my baby is still scared of the dark, so all the "Tricks" people pull on Halloween are not fun for her. To be honest I was absolutely fine with going home to pass out candy. Especially since the weather made a shift and now we're back to warm humidy air after a lovely week and a half of Fall worthy weather to tease me. (if you can't tell I'm a little bitter about the returning heat)
As you can see in the picture after hitting only a few houses, maybe 15-20, the kiddo collected a rather decent stash for herself. I think now that my generation are the candy passers the selection is getting better. I don't think I saw more than a couple pieces of no name hard candies in the pile. Which leads me to wonder did the candy passers of my youth simply give what they enjoyed as children? Or were they just cheap? As giggle at the thought of some woman saying to herself "why buy the good stuff for kids I don't even know?" I would like to know what you looked forward to finding in your treat bag. I had a small gang of Princesses Power Rangers express their excitment about my house passing out Milky Way candy bars. Without thought and debate about the ethics of the holiday it brings me so much pleasure to see the little ones having so much fun and feeling safe in their neighborhood. As I wrap this up I am contemplating having a Tootsie Pop for breakfast...But I won't, I'll behave.
Namaste Ya'll

First Time for Everything

Hey Ya'll,

I have been without my computer for days now, but I didn't want anyone to think I forgot about writing more regularly. So I figured I would try this blog via text feature that blogspot offers.
Here goes, my daughter and I went to the Farmer's Market this past Saturday and we found some lovely green tomatoes (amongst other tasty treats) but I realized that my kiddo up to now has never had fried green tomatoes. The classic Southern side that can be eaten as a meal sometimes. So we took a pint full of firm round light green little lovelies and today I sliced them up, soaked them in buttermilk, seasoned and coated them in cornmeal and pan fries them. Like a good Southern-girl she was instantly in love. The crusty crunchy exterior mingled with the softened slightly tart interior perfectly. At first she questioned the difference between a red tomato and a green tomato. Once she had a taste she understood immediately, that's my girl! I'll have to make sure she gets to experience these more often. After all, I am obligated to develop her young impressionable palate to its fullest capacity. Alright ya'll I hope this post takes, let's see.
Namaste Ya'll

Edited posted: Apparently my picture made my text too large to post on my blog. But posting from my email on my phone worked brilliantly. Namaste Ya'll

The Ultimate Local

This post is part of the Food Day posts for the #FoodDayBlogAlong! organized by Mary Makes Dinner and Notes from Maggie's Farm

 

Hey Ya'll,
So, there were many directions that are available for the Blog Along but I chose to write about eating locally. Now when eating locally is mentioned I immediately think of farmer's markets and hipster cafes that serve seasonal fruit salads and whole grain pancakes with farm fresh eggs. This of course is lovely all on it's own. But I decided to take my eating local experience to the next level, beyond my Go Local Austin card. I decided to bring local eating as close to my table as eating. I decided to start my own vegetable garden. Well, miniature container herb/veggie garden anyway. I made a promise to my daughter that we could try our hand at raising some of our own food, plus I kind of wanted to see if I had what it takes to be a small time farmer. I have actually always kind of dreamed about growing a huge garden (small farm really) and raising a few small animals. Well I figure this is the first step in determining if I have what it takes to live the life of a woman of the land.
I imagine that if everyone, no matter how limited their space, took the time to grow at least a few vegetables of their own they could save money, reduce waste, increase their nutrient options and provide some time in the sunshine taking care of not only the plants but ultimately themselves.When you live in even the poorest of the poor neighborhoods and you have even just a container of soil that can grow a small bunch of carrots to call your own, a ray of light shines down on each day that you get to breath in the pure oxygen produce by your very own personal garden.
Let's talk container gardening and keep in mind this is my first time with anything larger than a Kindergarten bean sprouting project. But, it really felt kind of natural getting my hands in the dirt and transplanting my plants.

My first Box of Herbs and veggies

 So the nice young man at the Nursery was really pushing the Spinach today so I took that as a sign that I needed to eat more leafy greens thus my first plants of Spinach and Kale. I also picked up some Sweet Peas because the nice young man showed me how to place bamboo stakes in my container to run the peas upwards and allow for more bushy plants that sit low in the pot.

 YAY for Herbs!! I chose Parsley Cilantro and Thyme mostly because they are my favorites and also because apparently they grow really well during this time of year in my neck of the woods. The thyme automatically smelled of my favorite recipe of roasted chicken and rosemary potatoes to me. I was so excited. As we planted the cilantro my daughter asked "May I eat some of the cilantro? It's my favorite."  Being from Texas we love our TexMex food and since she had teeth in her mouth my daughter has loved a fresh Filipino-style cucumber tomato salad with cilantro. Needless to say there will be plenty of that this Summer.

Calliope Carrots and Buttercrunch Lettuce to pull together my Fall salads. Now if only I had a Pecan Tree....Hmmm, maybe when we purchase our first home. The niffty thing about the carrots is they are going to amaze my daughter when it's time to harvest. They grow into like 4 or 5 different colors. She is going to absolutely lose her cute little mind. I'll have to take video and share that here when the time comes.

 So I actually only managed to get one of my 2 containers filled, turns out I needed way more soil than I anticipated. The sweet peas, spinach, kale, and some of the lettuce went into the first container. I will be purchasing more high quality potting soil from the nursery and finishing my second container with my herbs, carrots and remaining lettuce seeds this weekend. But I wanted to share my local eating adventure in time for Food Day.

Last but certainly not least I would like to thank Jeremy who was so much help and had pity on me once he saw me wandering around the nursery lost and unsure of myself. Jeremy helped me understand where to place which plants and how to give them the space they needed to grow. Thank you Jeremy.

Happy Food Day all know where what you eat comes from and try to get it as short a distance from farm to table as possible whenever you can.
Namaste Ya'll

Unfinished Business

Hey Ya'll,
We are currently in a testing bye-week so to speak in classes right now. So at the moment there is no homework and there are no lessons to speak about, just time being given to us to take our first test and get caught up on any work that may have been neglected. Since I last shared about how school was going I have gotten myself all caught up and am feeling accomplished. With not much occurring on the academic front for me for now I will venture into other topics today.

I am fully aware of the fact that there are many, and boy do I mean many, projects in that I have started but never finished. Yoga challenges, Juice cleanses, workout regimens, knitting projects, sewing projects. Heck even my degree is a hodge-podge of courses that originally belonged to the ideas of 4 separate degree plans I once thought I wanted to pursue. Fortunately, the college I went to basically had a generic health degree that I fit into and was able to graduate with rather than run out of financial aid while I tried to find myself. The honeymoon phase of any new job wears-off quickly for me because I have yet to place myself in a role that feeds my soul. My passions are very specific but for some reason I have convinced myself that I could never make a decent living fulfilling them. Well, now I realize the only way I will be successful is to do work that I love and am willing to be part of every single day that I wake up. With anyone who takes the time to read this as my witness I will live my dreams:
I will make food the center of my profession
I will service pregnant women and their babies (maybe I will doula or lactation consult)
I will write again...and enjoy it again
I will live in my dream home on the outskirts of town with my small livestock and my large garden.
I will see the world and speak its languages

And I will share all of these experiences with you all right here. Of course I have started with my IIN journey and will continue the whole way through. Earlier I was a little down on myself for failing to make this blog what I originally set out for it to be; sharing my love for food and my walk into yoga. But then I thought, this blog was never meant to be so one dimensional. This blog was meant to expose my overall journey into peace and into truly loving my life and who I am in this life. I have finally begun to do that. Now is the time to open up and share my food adventures with those of you who choose to stop by and read. My first real food post will be an Eat Out Loud post for Food Day, which is officially October 24, 2012  It will be complete with pictures and descriptive words, the whole nine yards. Thank you all for baring with me as I gain my footing in this sometimes frighteningly open world and learn to love who I am enough to honestly share myself with anyone willing to listen (or read). I look forward to evolving this blog into what it was always meant to be and doing it with love rather than my own impatience for perfection.
To anyone who may actually read this thank you for doing so, until my next exposure.
Namaste Ya'll

Catching up on Homework

Hey Ya'll,
So, I promised to keep you posted as I progressed through the IIN program and I intend to keep my promise. As I stated in my last post I allowed myself to slack a bit and fell behind in my lectures and homework. Well things have slowed down at work a bit this week and I am using the lighter workload as an opportunity to multi-task. So as I complete mundane duties at work I am plugged into my lectures to get caught up on the Modules. So in the few modules that I'm floating through I believe I have learned way more about raw food smoothies than I ever thought possible. Also, I think if I hear the exact same"marketing your business" tips again I might scream. I feel as though the exact same information is being beaten into my head every few weeks. I fully understand that these tips are thoroughly important for success in our businesses. But dear goodness! I would really prefer more information about how to get what you want out of life. How to actually BE the person that you want to be in order to feel competent enough to assist others in their journey. I'm only about 1/4 of the way through the program and already I feel as though I could launch a business from the ground up, but I'm not feeling up to par on the plethora of food or lifestyle information that is out there. I am thinking though that all of the business information is so heavily laced into the lessons early on in the program because there is such a big push to begin seeing clients about halfway through the program so that you have an established practice by the time you graduate. I imagine that further into the program the fine tuning of the food information comes more regularly. Don't get me wrong there is PLENTY of information to shuffle through in the supplemental work. It's just not what is being consistently focused on at the moment in the lessons/lectures; I am a bit frustrated with this.

On the upside the daily journal that I am keeping for homework really helps me understand myself a little more with each day. I am more aware of cravings and where I slack in motivation. I am much more aware of why I feel in such a rut with my life and why I seem to always feel lonely. I understand what drives me a bit better and how to successfully reward myself. My life has always been a swirling ball of indecision and the few things I made definitive choices on took me down paths that were difficult to navigate through and drained a lot of life from me. But I am glad that I chose to take part in this program, because I truly believe that if nothing else comes of this I will have a much better understanding of who I am, who I want to be, and then have the courge to actually be everything I want. So, maybe it's not about knowing more about food...maybe it's really all about just knowing yourself better. Now there's food for thought
Namaste Ya'll

Falling Behind

So, it's been a few weeks since my last update on my endeavors at IIN and I must say that it is simply because I have fallen behind in my school work. The work that pays our bills has been more demanding of my time lately and I find myself having to re-balance. I have been taking the time lately to really thinking about what I would like to do with all the information that I am gaining. Everyday I am encouraged to take a little time to really visualize my future. To form in my mind's eye what I want my life to look like and how my career fits into it. I know with no uncertainty that my passions lay with food. The ultimate goal here at the end of this program is to have a clear, defined plan for my career. To identify my truest passion and how to make a living with it without ruining my love with work. I will find that place where so many have said "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." And when that revelation hits I will truly be Zen Tasting.
Namaste Ya'll

Circles of Minds

Do you even feel like you are supposed to be doing something, but you don't quite fit in yet? Okay, so I had my first "classroom" call today and I feel as though most of the people in my graduating class are already in an active place in their health journey rather than seeking the way to apply the knowledge to their own lives. So many of the lovely people are simply looking to learn how to teach others what they are already doing for themselves. I am beginning to feel as though my story is unique in that I'm using IIN to heal myself way more than I am using it to heal others. Though I do fully intend to share what I learn here with anyone willing to allow me. I know for sure this is for ME not anyone else all others reaping the benefits are a plus. I fear that may sound selfish, but I think I am in this predicament with my body because I have not focused on myself enough throughout the years. Everything has been to please others at the expense of my own needs, not even just my desires. So my very first client will be Me and I get the special 12 month program rather than just the regular 6 month program I will be designing. Grateful for my mission.
Namaste Ya'll

The Journey Begins

Hey Ya'll,
So "classes" have officially begun for my Integrative Nutrition program and I am excited, a bit over-whelmed, and ready to get into the meat of it. Right now we are merely getting acclimated with the foundation of the organization. You know, what the mission of the program is, how to get organized, some best practices in setting yourself up for the best experience possible, and most of all for me wrapping your head around how to really put yourself "out there" to gain exposure everywhere you go. This week for me I have tasked myself with getting 2 of my homework assignments completed. I foresee the most difficult part of this style of program for me being the fact that there are very few hard deadlines, it is very "at your own pace". This is both good and bad for me, but I am determined to stay on the positive side.
On another note, I now will have the majority of my weekends to myself and my family once again!! Yay!! No more regular Saturday working for me (of course that's not to say that I won't work any Saturdays again) I plan to become a regular at my local farmer's market gain. Even though most of the good eats stop around October, I'm going to ride this train till the wheels fall off. :-) Also, I think once the heat breaks, which  tends to be late September around here, I plan to start organizing our backyard for gardening. I am not certain what I want to plant just yet so I am going to take my time prepping the yard and thinking about what would work best for my tastes as well as lifestyle.
I so look forward to this shift in my life and nurturing the person inside of me that I have suppressed for so long in order to handle business and just do what needed to be done for  the family. No more deadened spirit; no more depression; no more dissatisfaction with myself or my life. I am still so very sure that I will become the woman/mother/wife that I always imagined I would be. Only I can turn me into Her and that's what I am doing from here on out. Glory to The Most High!!
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

Your Mood is My Mood

Hey Ya'll,
So, last time we talked I was making the life changing decision to stop wishing and just be the person I imagine myself to be. Remember? Or at least that was the posting in a nutshell. Well, I'm realizing something right now; the people you are closest to have a really profound effect on the way you live your life. For example: my husband has been in this incredibly difficult funk lately and it drags down the entire home's environment. He has been harping on what he doesn't like about his job and what he doesn't have in his life that he is neglecting all of the good things that deserve the attention that he has been focusing his anger/discontent on. I love my husband to pieces but I don't think he realizes just how much his mood affects his family directly. I know I have done my venting here but I left it on the pages and took solace in my family because they were the only things that made me happy at the time. But when my husband is in his funk it is hard not to take it personally because he behaves as though he can't stand to be around anyone other than his friends that share the same hobby interests (video games and poker) I know we all need our outlets but somehow it hurts my feelings a bit great deal. I feel as though I'm not enough for him to confide in or find peace in. Oh well, I guess ultimately it's his battle to fight and I just have to learn how to sit on the sidelines until he wins. I guess as long as I continue to focus on becoming the woman I imagined myself to be at this point in my life then all other things will fall into place. At the very least I will be able to say I am who I wanted to be, because that is all I have control over. I cannot fix anyone else's life, I cannot change anyone else's perspective, I cannot force anyone else's joy. Only my own life, perspective, and joy can be changed by me and that is exactly what I'm going to work on. Okay, I feel better. Thank you all for listening/reading once again?
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

Revelations

Hey Ya'll
So I realized something today.... I have never allowed myself to be the Mother I have always wanted to be. I have sent the majority of my poor child's life worked so many hours waiting for the break in the tide that revealed the day where I didn't have to work so hard for our family to make ends meat. I also spent way more years than I would like to admit to closely focused on saving my husband's place in our home. Long story short things were no always beautiful and forever promised. Which I guess like a good woman/wife/etc I did my job because we survived. But I wonder if our child has suffered from any of this. I mean we've baked cookies and taken walks/bike rides and I've seen her performances and been to classroom parties. But I feel as though it's not enough. Mostly because it's not how I always wanted it to be. I want to do arts and craft projects and make her lunch everyday for her like she loves and her favorites breakfasts every morning. I don't want to be too tired to play board games or card games when she's bored. I want to leave amazing memories for her that will last her entire life. Because she is my only child she will have to deal with the death of her parents all alone. Granted I'm sure she will have a family all her own when that point in our lives comes, but it's not the same as having a sibling there who deep in their souls feel the same thing you do. I know, I know, technically I'm an only child as well (or maybe technically I'm not an only child) I have a sister but I was raised as an only child, but I have a blood related cousin who may as well have been my brother growing up who loves my mother just as much as he loves his own mother and visa versa.
So I have made the conscious decision to create the most amazing life for my child from here on out. She will have pictures and memories and keepsakes that will get her through the hardest parts of life when they appear. When she returns home from her summer vacations and school begins my A-game is on and her life will become exactly what I imagined it to be when I chose to bring her into this world. I'm going to teach her to sew (after I teach myself of course), how to cook/bake, how to turn something that appears to be no longer useful into something beautiful or functional, how to appreciate her own culture as well as the cultures of others, How to crave every drop of promise the world has to offer, how to speak other languages (Spanish and Tagalog are the goals, again after I teach myself) and most of all How to enjoy everyday the Most High opens her eyes. Finding myself just living day to day and often times wishing the day away is no longer enough for me. I haven't felt as though I am truly living for the longest time and no one can change that except me. I'm so grateful that I have been given the chance to even come to these realizations and make the changes that will turn my life around rather than it all coming to an end while I was still "waiting for the tide to break". I need to be these things in order to feel like a success, I don't need to work 40+ hours a week in a job that doesn't even feed my soul. Don't get me wrong I'm not quitting my job on Monday or anything but I'm not making it a priority in my life either, at least not until it's a job that is worth adding to the top 10 priorities.
Some things will be for my husband, some things will be for our daughter, but EVERYTHING I choose to do will also be for Me. Learning about food, birth, breastfeeding, traveling, crafting, yoga, cooking, baking, sleeping, sex, shopping, and everything in between that is for them will be for Me. Never in a selfish way but in a self-sustaining way. I am finally beginning to get it; taking care of myself is more than diet and exercise, it's making sure I get everything I need to love my life. Hope each of you finds exactly what you need as well.
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

A NEW JOB!!!

If you couldn't tell by the title of my post, I'm getting a new job and I am so super excited. I am still with the same company but I will be permanently doing work that was originally temporary for me. That means less direct stress, less contact with the public (which is very stressful for me), and more opportunity to utilize my brain. Granted this job won't be easy or always fun, but it will give me great insight to the business side of things which could prove useful in the future for me. Also, I finally get my weekends back. Not every single weekend, because there will be the rare occasion that I will have to go in and help with some launching over a set-up weekend, but the majority of my weekends will be mine and my families again. I get a stead Monday through Friday schedule, no bouncing around week after week trying to remember when I am supposed to be at work the next day. This is a much needed break from the heavy workload I have been baring the past two years. I feel like I will have the chance to do more with my daughter and husband. I really am excited for this upcoming Fall, my husband will be in school, I will be taking classes, and my daughter will be entering the 3rd grade (a pivotal moment in grammar school). Oh yea and with the help on Pinterest I have so many ideas for staying connected to my family and our friends I really believe that I will get to feel like the wife and mother I have always hoped to be.
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

Setting Goals, Classes & New Jobs?

Hey Ya'll,
Okay so after all of my whining I put my big girl panties on and refocused. I have reorganized a new health challenge at work. I failed to reach any of my goals on the first challenge and found myself feeling like a failure. What I learned is that I was focusing on the wrong thing at the wrong time. I needed to reconnect with myself as a person and really understand what I wanted and devise a plan to obtain my desires. I also realized I was exhausted and needed something to be relinquished. Which brings me to my Summer time endeavors. My child will be gone for the Summer visiting her grandparents which really allows me the chance to focus on myself. I definitely need to be able to do exactly that for a few months and develop some really beneficial habits. In addition to having the time to to dedicate to my body I will also have the time to dedicate to my mind. Classes at IIN will begin for me in July and I hope to be able to document my experience here with ya'll as I complete the program over the next year. I am looking to really open this practice up into something that will combine nicely with my future birth support practice.
For more immediate relief I have been informed that a different role within my company is expected to open up sometime soon. It would be familiar yet new for me, which will really help me wade out my last few years with the company while I complete all of my certifications and build my practice. So, I have taken a deep cleansing breath in...and now I wait for the relieving complete exhale. The Most High has my back so I know it's coming!
Peace and Namaste Ya'll    

The Root of My Frustrations

I have begun a new certification program with a holistic nutrition school that has really prompted me to dig deep and understand where my food "problems" stem from. I have learned that I am definitely a person who self medicates with food (surprise surprise). Ultimately I have found that...I hate what my life has become.
Okay, that may be a bit melodramatic, but I definitely do not love the work that I do. I had such high hopes for this job, but it's too many client in too short of time. Everyone needs so much help and there is only so much to go around. In the end I also feel that we do the community a disservice by making things so "easy" for them. Rather than really and truly teaching them or even in some cases using "tough love" to show them how to take their health into their own hands. I sick of having to serve so many people who are unhappy in their lives also. They drain the life from me. I want to work with people who are satisfied, happy even, in their life. Who want to be where they are at that time and are actively making conscious decisions to do what is best for them by coming to see me. The hours I work are not fantastic, and the pay is not comparable to the stress.
But I don't know how to make enough money to keep our families finances in order doing something that I will actually love. It seems I will need to either sacrifices time and desire for money, or money for happiness. Unfortunately, my husband has been unable to launch himself back into his direct career field so his portion of the family income is much less than it used to be. So it is not really possible for me to just leave and build from scratch. *le sigh* I can't give up, apparently that's what I have been doing which is why I have been hiding in my plates. I just need help!! I need help move on to the next stage. I need help feeling like I have a chance to be happy here. I need help finding a way to survive transitioning. I need help becoming happy again.
Sorry about all the whining lately. I'm just a little lost and could really use some direction and quickly. *shrug* Oh well, I'm sure it will happen. The Most High never fails.
Namaste Ya'll

Primary Foods

So I've been learning some new ways of thinking about what nourishes...me. I have learned the new concepts of Primary Foods. Primary Foods those elements of our lives that feed our souls; i.e.: doing work that you really connect with rather than work that doesn't align with your core values, having a spiritual practice that best fits your needs and beliefs, having an exercise regimen that you ENJOY and take part in regularly, and last but certainly not least having Healthy meaningful relationships in your life. The idea that these things contribute to one's health and happiness just as much as a clean diet is not necessarily revolutionary for me. But the idea that if I start with the nurturing these "foods" in my life that the remainder of my health will follow suit. With that said I believe that I will begin with repairing my spiritual & exercise needs with a new yoga studio. I have found one that is closer to my home, less expensive than any other studio I have encountered, and next door to the boxing gym that my dear hubby works out at. The only other thing I can hope for is that the instructors are wonderful and easy to connect with, should they be this will very serendipitous. I think this will be a good journey....It's definitely been a long one so far *le sigh*
Namaste Ya'll

Good Decisions Good Vibrations

Hey Ya'll,
So remember when I wrote last time about really cutting back on eating land animals and doing my best to eliminate processed foods. Well, apparently it really is what seems to work best for me. This allows me the most freedom in my diet with the greatest results. I don't feel deprived and I actually got a complement today. Someone (outside of the home) noticed that I have looking pretty darn good these days. I really needed that complement to recharge the old self-esteem batteries. Now I know I can survive the massive amount of eating out that is about to happen while we go on vacation. I think I want to change up my workout routine, but I'm nearly finished with Jillian Michael's Body Revolution so I may as well complete the program. Then I think I'm ready for my yoga practice to open itself up again. Sometimes you just have to change things up in order to remember how much you appreciate the way things were.

Side Note: I think I just may begin to post pics of stuff on here to keep things interesting. Everyone loves visuals these days right? Hmm
Namaste Ya'll

Lent this year

Hey Ya'll,
In my last post I said that I would discuss my diet during Lent. This year I chose to embark on a vegan fast. I learned a lot about myself. I learned that there is some sort of dairy or animal fat in virtually every manufactured food on the market unless specifically stated as vegan. Which to honest, I wasn't exactly surprised by.What I was surprised by were the types of cravings I had. The first 2 weeks were not bad at all, I had to turn down pizza and did so without great difficulty. I ate my veggies and made a couple new meals for myself and brought back some old favorites. But about halfway through Lent I found that I had an increasingly strong desire for primarily two things. The first food item: Cheese, I love cheese of all kinds. Cheddar, Havarti, Provolone, Mozzarella, Colby, etc. and my love for said food really solidified the fact that a purely vegan diet just is not in the cards for me at this point in my life. *shrug* The second food item, was more of a collections of foods: Seafood. My family knows I love seafood, and the only reason I don't eat more of it is because I live in land-locked Central Texas so it tends to get pricey. With that being said after Easter I kind of went...ugh...left field with my eating habits to say the least. That was nearly 3 weeks ago, now that my body feels like yuck all over again I'm choosing to change my planning process with my meals. This week I managed to make lunches for the whole week for both myself and my husband. Actually I got carried away with it and had plenty pre-made for a couple dinners and most of my daughter's lunches too. Guess my zeal was good for everyone. I'm off to Costco to get some seafood for the up coming week's meals and more veggies. I'll be back to talk about something else later. I think I'd like to share my growth in the world of holistic living and natural products as I continue. Maybe others will learn from the mistakes I've made along the way. As always.....
Namaste Ya'll

Overcoming Failing...or the Fear of...

So after my epic failure of my 21 day Yoga Challenge (I only managed to complete 12 consecutive days) I took on the Jillian Micheal's Body Revolution challenge. Apparently what I need right now is to have someone else map out the routine and everything for me right now until I fully get my mojo back. I am pleased to say that I have successfully made it halfway through the program. Only 6 more weeks left to finish this 90 day challenge and I'm doing GREAT!! I'm so proud of myself. I roll my sleep head out of the bed every morning, 6 days a week, and workout at the butt crack of dawn. It starts my day with a burst of power and even though by the end of the day I am so ready for bed, I feel much better about myself. Slowly but surely I am beginning to feel like myself again. I have not given up on Yoga, I don't think I ever could, in fact I still find myself randomly posing when my body speaks to me. But as I've said before I really do better when I have an instructor to correct me and allow me to follow their energy. My goal is to have a consistent home practice all my own, but I am acknowledging that right now is not the time. Right now I am choosing to focus on reclaiming my body and my eating habits. I talk about those another day. Today I just wanted to say move it or lose it has so much more meaning to me now. I am choosing to move it because I know what it feels like to lose it and I never want to feel like that again.
Namaste Ya'll

Yoga Challenge Day 9 of 21

So I have learned a few things about myself during this challenge. I have learned that I'm not so great with trying to trick myself into a full workout 7 days a week. I have also learned that if I don't just get it over with before 10:00am it will virtually take an act of God to get me to do it later in the day. Being flexible is one thing, but I have be realistic with myself. I need structure and a certain level of routine in order to feel secure and be successful. *Le Sigh*  I'm planning on attempting another reboot at the end of this month. I know I mentioned in a previous post that I was contemplating a fast but I hadn't decided exactly what kind. I've chosen to return to the Reboot, they now have a larger selection of cleanses to follow. I can tailor a challenge to fit my lifestyle more closely. I will begin my 7 day ramp up to the detox on Ash Wednesday and afterwards complete a 15-day challenge that will alternate eating and juicing. I feel as though if I make this detox my lent fast then I will be more likely to follow through. I am much more diligent when it comes to giving of myself for The Most High rather than for my own accord.
I am still making my way through my Yoga Challenge, it seems to be more of a challenge to make sure I write about it everyday. What I would really love is to be able to afford classes again. Yoga classes are just beyond my financial bracket right now, especially with the kid taking gymnastics more seriously and the hubby beginning to take on boxing. Yet again my desires my be met at home or cast off into the shadows. Maybe I can find a studio that will allow me to take classes on a barter system. Maybe I have skill that a studio may be able to use.
Speaking of skills, leading into work...I need a new career, a new LIFE. I'm immensely bored, maybe annoyed, or maybe saddened by my life right now. Don't get me wrong I'm still so very grateful to even have a job, because there was a time when I did not have one and felt as though I would never find a job. I'd much rather stay where I am than ever feel the fear of such uncertainty and financial struggle as that again. But is it so wrong to want to like your job? Is it so wrong to actually both believe in what you do AND enjoy doing it. I believe in the mission of the organization that I work for, but I do not believe in disorganization, inefficiency, or coddling adults who are fully capable of learning, thinking, and doing  the right thing for their own lives. Plus I'm DONE with the very people who I am trying to help out giving me attitude as if I owe them anything else. I want to work with people who actually WANT to be present.
Okay, enough of that, a better existence is just around the corner. I can see the gold glimmers of hope and change and they're drawing me near like a moth to a flame. I have faith that I'm smart enough now to not get burned.
Namaste Ya'll
P.S. If you know of any skill trading yoga studios in Austin, TX throw me a name and I will graciously give them a call.  

Yoga Challenge Day 2 of 21

Hey ya'll
So today I completed 60 minutes of mat time at 5:00am for my second day of my Yoga Challenge. I'm proud of myself for rolling out of the bed, but goodness am I SLEEPY. I did have a little issue this evening with my eating. When I'm tired and struggling to keep going I have a tendency to eat to keep myself alter. (Bad habit I know, I'm trying to break it) But I got out voted on dinner tonight and we ended up at Rudy's BBQ *smh* like a good (or bad) TX girl I have a real weak spot for brisket. So as you can imagine I overindulged a little. But I have been good pretty much all week and I've gotten an hour of exercise a total of 4 days this week. So I think I should be okay as long as I keep it together this weekend. Just consider this evening's dinner as my one cheat day today. Just keep swimming, right?
 I'm at a place in my dvd where I know what's next and can now focus on matching my breath up with my  movement rather than trying to pay attention to what the next pose is. I've been thinking, since Lent is coming up very soon I'm in need of a fast to take part in to serve The Creator. Since I've already cut out most junk food and don't each much red meat I need something that will really resonate with me. I've been considering either mixing smoothies twice a day or juicing again. I know, I know, the first time I tried the juice cleanse I was kind of...well...miserable. But sometimes it just takes trying something a couple times before getting the hang of it. I honestly wish I had the ability to take a month to myself with no other responsibilities where I could just focus on cleansing and yoga. But since that isn't feasible at this point in my life I will figure out a way to incorporate this into my current lifestyle somehow. I'm sure I can figure it out this time, mostly because I really need to. Not so much for my physical health but for my mental health. I'm in desperate need of feeling good about myself again. I still have 12 days to decide what my fast will be this year. Hmm, I could use a new blender either way. Why pass up a reason to go shopping? LOL
If there's anyone out there, thanks for reading
Namaste Ya'll     

Yoga Challenge Day 1 of 21

Hey ya'll, so I officially began my yoga challenge this morning. I pulled myself from my warm snuggly bed into the crisp chilly air of the 5:00am morning, played my dvd and worked my way through a 60 minute video. For the first 20 minutes I was not excited about being up and moving about. all I wanted to do was crawl back into the bed and curl up under my hubby. It didn't even matter to me if I fell back asleep I just wanted to lay back down. But I stuck it out, I warmed my body up through the flowing movements of the vinyasas. By the end of the video I still wanted to lay back down but my mind was on auto-pilot; you know "I'm already up may a well..." Plus I had to get ready for work and take the kiddo to school so laying back down wasn't really an option. To top it off I had a LONG day at work today. 10.5 hrs with only a 15 minute break rather than an actual lunch. *sigh*
s/n I need to hurry up and begin my graduate program so I can hurry up and graduate and begin my new career, this is for the birds!
 But on another note, I feel determined to complete this challenge. My preparations for success in this are helping. Eating lighter definitely makes it easier to feel like moving the next morning. Plus getting up at 5am means I don't even have to fuss with the dog until I'm finished because she's basically still asleep until 6am. Let's see how still feel about this at day 14. I'll probably be crossing the "annoyed threshold" and tip-toeing in to the realm of habit. Well, only time will tell. No matter how I feel about it at any stage, the whole point is to push through and not give up for once.
Thank you all, who ever you may be.
Namaste Ya'll

Side tracked by the Super Bowl

I was supposed to come back yesterday with my preparation plans, but allowed myself to get side tracked by the Super Bowl and getting my home ready for visitors. So in preparing for my 21-Day Yoga Challenge I plan implement a few things to make this journey fluid and simple:
1. Eat lighter, when I don't feel heavy or stuffed to the gills I am much more likely to move my body more.
2. Prepare my yoga dvd at night so that I can practice in the morning more readily. (Push play and go)
3. Use my time on the mat to speak to The Most High, I typically spend time speaking to God as I prepare for bed but if I add an additional time to focus more on hearing Him I feel I can serve Him better.
4. Don't be so ridged in my mat time schedule. (my work/life schedule changes daily, I need to allow my mat time to be flexible and adjust accordingly)
5. Have sex with my husband more often...when we spend more physical time together it's like a battery charge for me and the following day is that much easier to get through.
6. Remind myself that I WANT to do this, even though I may be sleepy or grumpy or angry or sad or lonely or feeling just plain old lazy...I actually WANT to do this. I WANT to be a person who practices daily. I WANT to feel free within my own body. I WANT to be able to say that I have an actual practice.

I just have to remind myself that not completing this Challenge will leave me feeling incomplete. I want to do this, I want to succeed in this mission. I want to come out on the other side transformed. I want yoga to become a permanent part of my daily living. It shall come to fruition
Namaste Ya'll

Seems As Though This Is Turning Into a Fail Blog

Okay, so over time I have placed idea, plan, and mission on here to get my life together. Which apparently makes me just like every other person in this country. And to be honest I'm sick of myself. I've found that I am amazingly bored with my life right now. My mother says it's called "Being Settled" and that many people confuse it for boredom. Whatever it is, it's not what I would call fun. So I have constructed some challenges to complete in my life. At work I started a "Paid Loser Challenge" those of us participating put $20 into a communal pot and did an initial weigh-in. We weigh-in every 2 weeks and any person to gain a full pound or more must place $5 in the pot, if you plateau and stay the same you must place $1 in the pot, if you lose weight then you owe nothing. This is to keep us motivated and pushing through the lazy periods. It's helped each of us so far. The challenge is 5 months long, we all felt this was a realistic time frame to really achieve some desired results. It has been 4 weeks into the challenge and I have not had to owe any money yet! Which is pretty awesome for me, because usually before week two I'm toast and hating myself.
So now all I need is a consistent workout regimen, I've gotten my eating habits under control and finally have the support of my husband due to his health concerns. So now I'm  ready to add a workout routine to my everyday life. Now I believe I am ready to follow through with a self inflicted 21-Day Yoga Challenge. I've heard it takes 20 days to form a habit so at day 21 I figure I will have my body craving the softness of my mat on the bottom of my feet. I think even if I'm only on my mat for 30 minutes it will be better than not doing anything at all. I don't really want to substitute yoga for anything else. Yoga is what I love and what I want to become really good at, and I think I really can if I can remember to just suck it up now so that I won't have to suck it in forever.

I know I've given myself a yoga challenge before and announced it on here, and at that time in my life I was transitioning from some very traumatizing situations that yoga helped me through but I just didn't have the time to myself, the space, or the resources to continue with my challenge and it ended up falling by the waist-side. So here are my guidelines for myself:
I must complete a series of yoga poses at least once a day.
The time on my mat must add up to at least 30 minutes a day in order to qualify
The time does not have to completed all at once, I may break it up into segments if needed due to time constraints.
The Challenge will begin February 9th and end February 29th
Of course there will be an end to the actual challenge, but the goal is to have created a habit that I don't ever end. I have to believe in myself  and love myself enough to go through  with this. I have to find a way to walk the path that is meant for me into the life that will make me shine. I have found some inspirations for my aspirations and now must begin the perspiration (hehe). Okay, but seriously, I'm kind of excited about this though I do wish I had someone to walk on this journey with me. But I guess this is probably something I need to do on my own. No one can turn me into a yogini without me putting in the work, but I can become a yogini without someone there constantly. Okay enough talk, I'll be back tomorrow to discuss my prep techniques, maybe one day someone will care.
Namaste Ya'll