Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Root of My Frustrations

I have begun a new certification program with a holistic nutrition school that has really prompted me to dig deep and understand where my food "problems" stem from. I have learned that I am definitely a person who self medicates with food (surprise surprise). Ultimately I have found that...I hate what my life has become.
Okay, that may be a bit melodramatic, but I definitely do not love the work that I do. I had such high hopes for this job, but it's too many client in too short of time. Everyone needs so much help and there is only so much to go around. In the end I also feel that we do the community a disservice by making things so "easy" for them. Rather than really and truly teaching them or even in some cases using "tough love" to show them how to take their health into their own hands. I sick of having to serve so many people who are unhappy in their lives also. They drain the life from me. I want to work with people who are satisfied, happy even, in their life. Who want to be where they are at that time and are actively making conscious decisions to do what is best for them by coming to see me. The hours I work are not fantastic, and the pay is not comparable to the stress.
But I don't know how to make enough money to keep our families finances in order doing something that I will actually love. It seems I will need to either sacrifices time and desire for money, or money for happiness. Unfortunately, my husband has been unable to launch himself back into his direct career field so his portion of the family income is much less than it used to be. So it is not really possible for me to just leave and build from scratch. *le sigh* I can't give up, apparently that's what I have been doing which is why I have been hiding in my plates. I just need help!! I need help move on to the next stage. I need help feeling like I have a chance to be happy here. I need help finding a way to survive transitioning. I need help becoming happy again.
Sorry about all the whining lately. I'm just a little lost and could really use some direction and quickly. *shrug* Oh well, I'm sure it will happen. The Most High never fails.
Namaste Ya'll
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