Your Mood is My Mood

Hey Ya'll,
So, last time we talked I was making the life changing decision to stop wishing and just be the person I imagine myself to be. Remember? Or at least that was the posting in a nutshell. Well, I'm realizing something right now; the people you are closest to have a really profound effect on the way you live your life. For example: my husband has been in this incredibly difficult funk lately and it drags down the entire home's environment. He has been harping on what he doesn't like about his job and what he doesn't have in his life that he is neglecting all of the good things that deserve the attention that he has been focusing his anger/discontent on. I love my husband to pieces but I don't think he realizes just how much his mood affects his family directly. I know I have done my venting here but I left it on the pages and took solace in my family because they were the only things that made me happy at the time. But when my husband is in his funk it is hard not to take it personally because he behaves as though he can't stand to be around anyone other than his friends that share the same hobby interests (video games and poker) I know we all need our outlets but somehow it hurts my feelings a bit great deal. I feel as though I'm not enough for him to confide in or find peace in. Oh well, I guess ultimately it's his battle to fight and I just have to learn how to sit on the sidelines until he wins. I guess as long as I continue to focus on becoming the woman I imagined myself to be at this point in my life then all other things will fall into place. At the very least I will be able to say I am who I wanted to be, because that is all I have control over. I cannot fix anyone else's life, I cannot change anyone else's perspective, I cannot force anyone else's joy. Only my own life, perspective, and joy can be changed by me and that is exactly what I'm going to work on. Okay, I feel better. Thank you all for listening/reading once again?
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

Revelations

Hey Ya'll
So I realized something today.... I have never allowed myself to be the Mother I have always wanted to be. I have sent the majority of my poor child's life worked so many hours waiting for the break in the tide that revealed the day where I didn't have to work so hard for our family to make ends meat. I also spent way more years than I would like to admit to closely focused on saving my husband's place in our home. Long story short things were no always beautiful and forever promised. Which I guess like a good woman/wife/etc I did my job because we survived. But I wonder if our child has suffered from any of this. I mean we've baked cookies and taken walks/bike rides and I've seen her performances and been to classroom parties. But I feel as though it's not enough. Mostly because it's not how I always wanted it to be. I want to do arts and craft projects and make her lunch everyday for her like she loves and her favorites breakfasts every morning. I don't want to be too tired to play board games or card games when she's bored. I want to leave amazing memories for her that will last her entire life. Because she is my only child she will have to deal with the death of her parents all alone. Granted I'm sure she will have a family all her own when that point in our lives comes, but it's not the same as having a sibling there who deep in their souls feel the same thing you do. I know, I know, technically I'm an only child as well (or maybe technically I'm not an only child) I have a sister but I was raised as an only child, but I have a blood related cousin who may as well have been my brother growing up who loves my mother just as much as he loves his own mother and visa versa.
So I have made the conscious decision to create the most amazing life for my child from here on out. She will have pictures and memories and keepsakes that will get her through the hardest parts of life when they appear. When she returns home from her summer vacations and school begins my A-game is on and her life will become exactly what I imagined it to be when I chose to bring her into this world. I'm going to teach her to sew (after I teach myself of course), how to cook/bake, how to turn something that appears to be no longer useful into something beautiful or functional, how to appreciate her own culture as well as the cultures of others, How to crave every drop of promise the world has to offer, how to speak other languages (Spanish and Tagalog are the goals, again after I teach myself) and most of all How to enjoy everyday the Most High opens her eyes. Finding myself just living day to day and often times wishing the day away is no longer enough for me. I haven't felt as though I am truly living for the longest time and no one can change that except me. I'm so grateful that I have been given the chance to even come to these realizations and make the changes that will turn my life around rather than it all coming to an end while I was still "waiting for the tide to break". I need to be these things in order to feel like a success, I don't need to work 40+ hours a week in a job that doesn't even feed my soul. Don't get me wrong I'm not quitting my job on Monday or anything but I'm not making it a priority in my life either, at least not until it's a job that is worth adding to the top 10 priorities.
Some things will be for my husband, some things will be for our daughter, but EVERYTHING I choose to do will also be for Me. Learning about food, birth, breastfeeding, traveling, crafting, yoga, cooking, baking, sleeping, sex, shopping, and everything in between that is for them will be for Me. Never in a selfish way but in a self-sustaining way. I am finally beginning to get it; taking care of myself is more than diet and exercise, it's making sure I get everything I need to love my life. Hope each of you finds exactly what you need as well.
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

A NEW JOB!!!

If you couldn't tell by the title of my post, I'm getting a new job and I am so super excited. I am still with the same company but I will be permanently doing work that was originally temporary for me. That means less direct stress, less contact with the public (which is very stressful for me), and more opportunity to utilize my brain. Granted this job won't be easy or always fun, but it will give me great insight to the business side of things which could prove useful in the future for me. Also, I finally get my weekends back. Not every single weekend, because there will be the rare occasion that I will have to go in and help with some launching over a set-up weekend, but the majority of my weekends will be mine and my families again. I get a stead Monday through Friday schedule, no bouncing around week after week trying to remember when I am supposed to be at work the next day. This is a much needed break from the heavy workload I have been baring the past two years. I feel like I will have the chance to do more with my daughter and husband. I really am excited for this upcoming Fall, my husband will be in school, I will be taking classes, and my daughter will be entering the 3rd grade (a pivotal moment in grammar school). Oh yea and with the help on Pinterest I have so many ideas for staying connected to my family and our friends I really believe that I will get to feel like the wife and mother I have always hoped to be.
Peace and Namaste Ya'll

Setting Goals, Classes & New Jobs?

Hey Ya'll,
Okay so after all of my whining I put my big girl panties on and refocused. I have reorganized a new health challenge at work. I failed to reach any of my goals on the first challenge and found myself feeling like a failure. What I learned is that I was focusing on the wrong thing at the wrong time. I needed to reconnect with myself as a person and really understand what I wanted and devise a plan to obtain my desires. I also realized I was exhausted and needed something to be relinquished. Which brings me to my Summer time endeavors. My child will be gone for the Summer visiting her grandparents which really allows me the chance to focus on myself. I definitely need to be able to do exactly that for a few months and develop some really beneficial habits. In addition to having the time to to dedicate to my body I will also have the time to dedicate to my mind. Classes at IIN will begin for me in July and I hope to be able to document my experience here with ya'll as I complete the program over the next year. I am looking to really open this practice up into something that will combine nicely with my future birth support practice.
For more immediate relief I have been informed that a different role within my company is expected to open up sometime soon. It would be familiar yet new for me, which will really help me wade out my last few years with the company while I complete all of my certifications and build my practice. So, I have taken a deep cleansing breath in...and now I wait for the relieving complete exhale. The Most High has my back so I know it's coming!
Peace and Namaste Ya'll    

The Root of My Frustrations

I have begun a new certification program with a holistic nutrition school that has really prompted me to dig deep and understand where my food "problems" stem from. I have learned that I am definitely a person who self medicates with food (surprise surprise). Ultimately I have found that...I hate what my life has become.
Okay, that may be a bit melodramatic, but I definitely do not love the work that I do. I had such high hopes for this job, but it's too many client in too short of time. Everyone needs so much help and there is only so much to go around. In the end I also feel that we do the community a disservice by making things so "easy" for them. Rather than really and truly teaching them or even in some cases using "tough love" to show them how to take their health into their own hands. I sick of having to serve so many people who are unhappy in their lives also. They drain the life from me. I want to work with people who are satisfied, happy even, in their life. Who want to be where they are at that time and are actively making conscious decisions to do what is best for them by coming to see me. The hours I work are not fantastic, and the pay is not comparable to the stress.
But I don't know how to make enough money to keep our families finances in order doing something that I will actually love. It seems I will need to either sacrifices time and desire for money, or money for happiness. Unfortunately, my husband has been unable to launch himself back into his direct career field so his portion of the family income is much less than it used to be. So it is not really possible for me to just leave and build from scratch. *le sigh* I can't give up, apparently that's what I have been doing which is why I have been hiding in my plates. I just need help!! I need help move on to the next stage. I need help feeling like I have a chance to be happy here. I need help finding a way to survive transitioning. I need help becoming happy again.
Sorry about all the whining lately. I'm just a little lost and could really use some direction and quickly. *shrug* Oh well, I'm sure it will happen. The Most High never fails.
Namaste Ya'll

Primary Foods

So I've been learning some new ways of thinking about what nourishes...me. I have learned the new concepts of Primary Foods. Primary Foods those elements of our lives that feed our souls; i.e.: doing work that you really connect with rather than work that doesn't align with your core values, having a spiritual practice that best fits your needs and beliefs, having an exercise regimen that you ENJOY and take part in regularly, and last but certainly not least having Healthy meaningful relationships in your life. The idea that these things contribute to one's health and happiness just as much as a clean diet is not necessarily revolutionary for me. But the idea that if I start with the nurturing these "foods" in my life that the remainder of my health will follow suit. With that said I believe that I will begin with repairing my spiritual & exercise needs with a new yoga studio. I have found one that is closer to my home, less expensive than any other studio I have encountered, and next door to the boxing gym that my dear hubby works out at. The only other thing I can hope for is that the instructors are wonderful and easy to connect with, should they be this will very serendipitous. I think this will be a good journey....It's definitely been a long one so far *le sigh*
Namaste Ya'll

Good Decisions Good Vibrations

Hey Ya'll,
So remember when I wrote last time about really cutting back on eating land animals and doing my best to eliminate processed foods. Well, apparently it really is what seems to work best for me. This allows me the most freedom in my diet with the greatest results. I don't feel deprived and I actually got a complement today. Someone (outside of the home) noticed that I have looking pretty darn good these days. I really needed that complement to recharge the old self-esteem batteries. Now I know I can survive the massive amount of eating out that is about to happen while we go on vacation. I think I want to change up my workout routine, but I'm nearly finished with Jillian Michael's Body Revolution so I may as well complete the program. Then I think I'm ready for my yoga practice to open itself up again. Sometimes you just have to change things up in order to remember how much you appreciate the way things were.

Side Note: I think I just may begin to post pics of stuff on here to keep things interesting. Everyone loves visuals these days right? Hmm
Namaste Ya'll